Friends, Apartments, and Morphine

To be honest with you, the past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride in my life. Let me give you a little background.

I transferred to UW River Falls this semester, and I really didn't know anyone. I was all alone in a state that felt a million miles from everything comfortable. But God reigns. He took me under His wing and brought me closer to Him. He gave me a sincere desire to love Him more than anything else. 

After a few weeks (three to be exact) of being in an unfamiliar place with only acquaintances save one (my good friend, Sam), I got sick with the flu. Lovely, right? Actually it was. The week that followed was hard, but every morning, I began to rely more and more on Christ. I went home the next weekend to be with my family over Valentine's Day and my mommy's birthday, and was able to spend time with my girls at NWC. It was simply fantastic. 

That Sunday, I received a text from my friend, Jayme. She asked me about housing for next year. Now I had been mulling over this for a while. Without any friends to live with, I was at a loss. But Jayme said that she and her friend, Bre, were looking into apartments and needed a third roommate. This was an incredibly huge blessing to me. It seemed to simply come down from heaven when I was struggling with where I was at. I told her that I would love to live with them, and that began our search for an apartment. 

On Monday we started, and by Tuesday afternoon, we signed a lease for a gorgeous apartment. Bre, Jayme, Katelyn, and I were beginning our adventure as adults. Nothing could be more exciting. Except for the fact that I had finally found friends. God had blessed me with these amazing women, not only to be my roommates, but also women who love me. 

The rest of that week was great. I was able to spend time with the girls, eating, drinking coffee, laughing, and just getting to know each other. I was excited to finally have a variety of people to be with, and the best thing about it is that they are women of God. They love Him first and foremost, and I couldn't ask for anything better. 

This weekend, we were able to hang out as well, spending much time talking late into the night. It was excellent. 

Sunday, though, came with a twist. I didn't feel real well all day, and as Jayme, Bre, Jenny, and I were heading out to church at five, I started having pretty intense pain in my kidney. Being silly me, I was trying to play it off and get over it. But I couldn't, and we ended up stopping at the ER, the only thing open on a Sunday. The girls were happy to be my rescuers, loving me all the way in the door. I was admitted and even after I told the girls they could go to church if they wanted to, they stayed. They wanted to make sure I was okay. Each girl had alerted many people to be praying for me, and those prayers are what got me where I am now. 

The doctors discovered I had a kidney stone. They gave me morphine and some other fun drugs, reminding me not to drive while on narcotics. After about four hours in the Hudson Hospital, I was discharged. Mom and Dad came and picked me up, and after a short stop at my dorm, we headed home. 

The pain was then so intense I could not hold food. I ended up in the ER in Mercy Hospital, the same hospital in which I was born. I was admitted and kept overnight. The pain was incredible, and without the morphine and tordal, I don't think I would have survived. The nurses and doctors that helped me were amazing, helping me get through all the crap that was being thrown at me. Basically, it was a big adventure with a lot of wonderful people around me. 

Over the past two days, God has shown me that He will never leave me. He gave me wonderful friends, who I consider the heroes of my night, amazing medical help, and fantastic parents, as well as all the people who were on the outskirts of the night, praying for my recovery. I passed the stone on my own and did not have to have surgery. After Sunday night, I did not have any pain. I was able to sleep a lot, catching up on the sleep I had not been getting in the past month. All of these things were a testament to God's faithfulness in answering prayer. People in downtown Minneapolis, people at NWC, people at Concordia, people at River Falls, people in Boston, people in Pine City, people in Fargo, all were praying, and I thank you all. God has placed you all in my life for a special reason, and I couldn't be more thankful. 

Now, I am home, reflecting on the past few days. What a ride. I'm reminded of many things this weekend; the most important being the glory and provision of my God. 

"Cast your burden on the Lord, 

and he will sustain you; 

he will never permit 

the righteous to be moved." 

Psalm 55:22

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Birds in the Morning

As I sit here every morning, I am taken by the birds that gather at the feeder outside my window. Often there are more than five of them, all puffed up and frantically pecking at the seeds. They attach themselves to whatever part of the feeder they can. The base holds two, and the wire framing at least three. Chickadees and finches and nuthatches, all fluffy and beautiful, fly quickly in and out of the feeder, gathering for their morning gossip over a seedlike scone. I wonder if they have coffee with it as well. 

The smaller feeder held a woodpecker yesterday. It was a pillated one, with its laddered back. It made a great deal of noise as it forcefully pecked at the feed inside. He is a loner, scaring all other birds away as he eats his breakfast. He is like the scruffy farmer who is gruff about all he does, hushing the gossiping ladies in the café as he enters. 

The feeder attached to the tree, just west of the fence, feeds more squirrels than it does birds. They hang upside down, right-side up, and sideways to get as much out as they can. I can just imagine their chirping and annoyance at the time it takes them to get it out. The outcasts of the society, they don’t come into join the gossip, mostly because the sheriff (dear old Maddie) will skin them alive if they do. They have right to fear her. She is a fierce sheriff, not afraid to bear her teeth and run them out of town. 

My favorite to watch, though, are the cardinals. They are the birds of a different color (excuse my pun). When they enter the town, especially Mr. Cardinal, all the other birds seem to scatter. It is very unlikely to see the cardinals at the feeder with other birds. And if there are other birds there, they flit in and out, somewhat timidly. 

Though I love the red of Mr. Cardinal, the other day, Mrs. Cardinal really caught my eye. She is not too proud to share the feeder with other birds, and though her husband is intimidating, she is no cause for alarm. Her muted red and brown make her beautiful as she perches tall and eats her seeds. Coming into the café a little later in the morning, she is the woman that all the ladies gossip about over their coffee and scones. Mrs. Cardinal, though, is not shaken by this behavior and patiently sits and eats her fill. 

A sighting of all this is a morning routine, and I can say that my words barely do it justice. It is an exhilarating thing to behold. The flutter of wings, the frantic pecking, the puffing appearance against the cold all attribute to the beauty of it. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  Matthew 6:25-34

 

"The Call" by Regina Spektor

"We are far too easily pleased."

“Indeed, if we consider the unblushing promises of rewards and the staggering nature of the rewards promised in the Gospels, it would seem that Our Lord finds our desires, not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea….We are far too easily pleased.” A Mind Awake, p 168, C.S. Lewis

As a younger woman, I was always fascinated by this quote. I loved the image of a little child playing in the mud with the sea sparkling in the distance.

Now that I am an older woman (not much, but it counts for something, right), I am able to see the real meaning in this quote. Our desires as humans, finite beings, are so weak compared to the reality that God wishes to share with us. Everything is better in Him. Everything. 

I started to really apply this to my life and am now learning that the desires I have are so much better in my Lord. He has things planned for me that I could not even imagine. And they will be infinitely better than the things I have now. I seek pleasure in things, but I have no idea the joys and pleasure that He will supply me. The greatest of all being in Him. He show me how weak my desires truly are when the time comes. 

So look for that offer for the holiday by the sea. Ask God to make your desires His desires. How much more joyful and beautiful will our lives be if this is the case? 

"But take heart; I have overcome the world."

This week I was thinking about suffering for Christ's sake, and how the first century disciples rejoiced in their persecution. Why don't we do that now? 

I feel as though we as Christians in this world, we tend to strive for complacency and being comfortable. I don't think we really strive to put our faith out there. But why not? We talk about it all the time. Oh how we can't wait to graduate from this school or that, to be in the work-place where we can really live out our faith. But why not now?  

I really struggle with being comfortable. It's not right. I think that God wants us to have sufferings. Actually I know He does. Paul says in Romans: 

...and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:17)

 And also in his letter to the Corinthians:

So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is prepared for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.

As Christians, we tend to think that we are here to be here. To remember that we are going to have a home someday that will dwarf this world is hard. But we need to live out our faith in a way that does not make us comfortable.

Get dirty.

Peter says in his first letter:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it come upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you. But let none of you suffer as a murderer or a thief or an evildoer or as a meddler. Yet if anyone suffers as a Christians, let him not be ashamed, but let him glorify God in that name. For it is time for judgment to begin at the household of God; and if it begins with us, what will be the outcome for those who do not obey the gospel of God? And “If the righteous is scarcely saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner?” Therefore let those who suffer according to God’s will entrust their souls to a faithful Creator while doing good. (1 Peter 4:12-19)

We must rejoice in our sufferings! If we suffer, we need to remember that it isn’t weird. Do not be surprised. The first century Christians did it. Why can’t we? I know we like to be comfortable, but dang it, I’d rather rejoice in sufferings than sit around so that I may share in the glory of God as Paul says.

…and when they called in the apostles, they beat them and charged them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. Then they left the presence of the council, rejoicing that they were counted worthy to suffer dishonor for the name. And every day, in the temple and from house to house, they did not cease teaching and preaching Jesus as the Christ. (Acts 5:40-42)

Are we worthy to suffer dishonor for His name? Do we desire to be?

I want to suffer for his name because honestly, that is what we are called to do. And yeah, it’s scary, but remember:

For everyone who is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that had overcome the world—our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God? (1 John 5:4-5)

And:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9-10)

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world. (Jesus quoted in John 16:33)

 

Bursting at the Seams

So over the past four weeks, I have spent my Tuesday and Thursday mornings at a middle school for placement. This supposedly consists of me observing a teacher in my area teaching a class of unruly middle school kiddos. When I was first placed in a middle school, I was very hesitant because if you know me at all, you'll know I want to teach high school kids. I went into the classroom with a little experience, my summer job putting me in a classroom setting four days a week. I learned how the class worked and after the first week, I was in love.

I am at the middle school for two class periods of Language Arts.

Oh man. I love it.

I get to walk around and chat with the kids about their projects and reactions to certain topics. For the first couple weeks, the kids were really hesitant to think anything of me, or at least outwardly. But they are middle schoolers.

Now, my placement is quickly coming to a close, and they like me. I don't want to leave. Some of the girls asked me why I don't come every day. I melted. One followed me around while we were in the library. She was disappointed when she had to go back to class with the real teacher. They really like me. I'm attached. I don't want to ever leave.

I'm really amazed at these students as well. I noticed this in summer school as well, but it seems more apparent in the middle school setting: though I discipline, the students still like me. They respect me and want my attention. I'm absolutely baffled by this. If I tell them what they are doing is wrong, why would they like me? I don't fully understand. Is it the way I go about it? I'm not sure I will ever understand.

My excitement to be a teacher is magnified in these days that I spend with these students. I feel God's love for them as I walk through the halls and watch them interact. The desire of my heart is to be a teacher. How great is our God that He fills our hearts, our measly pitiful little hearts, with His awe-some incredible desires.

I can't contain myself. Literally.

God is good, my friends. God is so good.

Reality is Calling

So over the past few weeks, I haven’t been very good about striving towards the Lord. I have been thinking that I could do it all myself and was consistently humbled. Every few days, I would get a swift kick in the pants to remember that I, the ultimate control freak, have absolutely no control.

Suddenly, I changed the course for the next semester. Granted, it's only three months or so, but still, it has a big impact on what will happen in my future.

I dropped a class I need for my major and picked up a class that will not be beneficial to me credit wise.

This does not seem super important, but it is. With this class that is important to me graduating, I was not able to spend time in the Word in my mornings. The time I would have spent would have been cramped and rushed.

But as I dropped this course, I found myself desiring to be in the Word even more. Everyday. I can't get enough of its truths. It's all I desire.

I immediately dug into Acts. I had been slowly making my way through this book, but now, I had a passion to really know it. As I read it, I can across this passage (Acts 16:6-10):

And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God has called us to preach the gospel to them.

This passage really spoke to me because I had been seeing the Holy Spirit working in ways that seem contrary to what He would want. But then I remembered that God has a plan in everything. Even when we are striving to do God's will, we might not be listening. We must listen to our men of Macedonia and go where God is calling, listening to Him and Him alone.

He calls us to the places we least likely expect to go to preach the gospel and witness for Him.

I also began to read 1 John, and God began to speak to me through it. One of the many passages that stuck out to me was 1 John 4: 4:

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them [evil spirits], for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

And 1 John 5: 4-5:

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

This passage really reminded me that I am of God, and even as I live in the world, I have a God that I am called by. He loves me and with Him I can overcome every temptation, crude comment, slander, fear, violence, or hate that is thrown at me.

God is good, my friends. Through a trivial change in my schedule, I have become more solid in my decision to transfer. God is calling me out, as Pastor Jason said today at Grace Church of Roseville. He talked about knowing God and following His voice. Pastor Jason stated that we were not meant to live life in a pen, or a bubble. God is calling me out.

This might be the first time some of you have heard me speak of transferring. If you want to know more about my decision, drop me a line. I'd love to tell you about what God is doing in my life and has been doing in the past few months.

It all comes back to my Father. He is my sustainer, and without Him, these decisions would never come to be.

So, I will be following God’s voice in this transition. His Word has become fuel for the fire within me. I’m intoxicated by it.

One thought to leave you with. Do not let yourselves be distracted from the Maker of heaven and earth. Do not listen to the voices of the world, for they are all corrupt. Even mine, if my words and my intent are not the Lord’s. Stay away from those things that would draw you to evil.

Little children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5: 21)