Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Just a heads-up: for the next two (or three) years, I will be incommunicado. Why, you ask so naïvely? Because I got accepted to grad school, that's why, my friend. And it's going to be nuts.

About four years ago, I sent a text message to two of my friends: "I want to teach deaf kids." Granted, this is not the most eloquent of all text messages, and looking back on it, I wish it would have been more beautifully worded. But this is what I got. It was the spring of 2009, and it was the beginning of a great passion.

In the fall of 2009, I started teaching myself sign language through youtube videos (praise God for youtube) and started inquiring about the Deaf/Hard of Hearing (DHH) program at the U. Since then I have taken ASL classes, I have observed an Early Childhood Special Education (ECSE) DHH classroom and a middle school DHH classroom, and I have been accepted to grad school.

Nearly four years of passion has been channeled to this moment. I could explode with happiness. I'm a happy crier (just ask my sister-in-law), and I will cry with happiness soon I'm sure. Yes, I do love my job, and no, I don't want to stop teaching English. But this is what God made me for. I feel a distinct calling to this position, this job.

I don't know what it will look like honestly. I don't know where I will end up teaching. I don't know how long it will take me to get through the program (though I have a projection). I don't know if God will say go to Ireland or India or China (with Hope Station??). I don't know a lot of things, but I know that I am excited and passionate and overwhelmed.

So for the next few years, as I go to school and teach English full-time, I probably won't be doing much blogging or texting or facebooking or tweeting. Maybe it won't change, but it probably will.

I don't like changes, but this is a change that I'm so excited about I can't breathe.

Magical Balls of Fluff and the End of Another Year

I sat in front of my screen door this morning, looking out into the front yard. The cottonwood trees have been a constant pleasure for me in years past, and today was the first day they seemed to free their small seedlings. As I watched them gather on the road, floating downward with soft motion, the wind picked up some. Now, it's not like they were just blown down the road. No, these little miracles formed a body of cotton, swirling in the perpetual dance of life. With the wind as a propellent, these magical balls of fluff give life to the desires of my soul. Today is my first official day of summer, and the seedlings of the cottonwood trees depict a slow dance, the peace that I want for my summer. I'm not sure I can put into words the feeling I get while watching them, but I think it's truly something akin to peace.

This week marks the end of my first year of teaching, my 20th year in the educational system. I can honestly say that this year was the most stressful of them all. I think I can also say that it was also the most rewarding of them all. Many things did not go the way I wanted, but many things turned out better than I could have ever imagined. And most of these things were not lessons or activities (though I had some success there too). No, these successes were mostly in the amazing relationships I have with my students, some of now who are friends.

The end of this year brings happiness, but also some tears. Not only does this week end my first year of teaching, but it also brings the end of some amazingly impactful careers. Two of my most influential teachers retired this week, and though I know I will see them again, it will be weird for them not to be at Anoka anymore. One is my former Humanities teacher, who taught me about life and shared with me wisdom that, in my high school career, I had never gotten before. The other is my former College in Schools (CIS) teacher, who taught me so much I don't even know where to begin. Both were influential in my formative years, and they have been indispensable colleagues.

One story, then I'm done. In January, I posted about an unfortunate event that happened in my classroom. Now that it's been five months or so, I think I can share a little bit more about that.

I had a fight in my classroom. It was not a yelling and screaming fight. It was a boxing match. No words were exchanged; they just began fighting. I can sincerely claim it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I would never wish on anyone. That day, I got by in a daze. A little later in my day, my former CIS teacher showed up at my door. I had gotten a lot of sympathy that day, but he just hugged me. I'm sure he asked me if I was okay, but I don't remember what I said, I just remember that hug. It was the first time I felt safe all day. Again, I can't truly describe how that felt, but those who have been through something like this will know, feeling safe again is a rarity. Now he is retired, and though I know I am safe in my building, his presence will be missed in my little world.

Okay, I have now ranted about seedlings and retirements and fights. They all seem interconnected to me in some way. This year I have learned more about myself and about the human condition than all of my years combined. I have also learned that God is essential in all of my wanderings, even though I am horrible at remembering to include him most of the time. I have been blessed by students, colleagues, my bosses, my friends (new and old), my parents, my cats, my siblings, my nephew. The list could go on and on, and I would never be able to share them all.

A few weeks ago I discovered this song, and I think it spells out the end of my year perfectly.



So in conclusion, I have had a fantastic year that has taught me a lot, and I'm sure it will continue to teach me as summer rolls on. As some of my girls would say to me,"You go girl."

All for his glory and fame.

Looking East

In the silence of a Saturday morning, I'm reflecting on the week behind me. Actually, I don't imagine the past stretching out behind me, as if it were an ever growing timeline of moments and words that extends out behind me in some physical capacity. And since I don't feel this, I shouldn't say it that way. I tend to think of the past as perpetually extending east. It's not "back a few years ago" in my head or even "back in high school," but east. Therefore, since I am facing east in my morning chair, I guess I am facing the past, facing what God has taught me or will teach me in further reflection.

Sometimes I feel like I live for the weekend, always looking west (to the future) to when I will be able to sleep in or grade or read in peace. Rest. However, the weekends roll around, and they tend to be filled with about the same amount of stress as the weeks. Mostly because me, being over-ambitious, declare I am going to get a significant amount of grading done, and I complete half of it. Or none of it. Rarely do my weekends actually turn out the way I want them to.

But how can I complain? I still get weekends and don't have to hold a second job that fills my time on the weekends as well. Or have one job that I work 7 days a week. I am thankful.

But back to looking east, I realize that my week was successful in some ways, and in other ways, it fell flat. Conversations with students lacking patience might be what some of them needed to hear. Conversations filled with too much patience for students might do more hurt that good. Conversations with students containing too much caring for students well-being might color my view of students. Sometimes I feel like my classroom is a fish-bowl, and the student I see is all that matters. But other people have opinions of students and know more about their lives. I need to learn how to be more well-rounded with my students. But I will never agree that all students deserve the same treatment. What is fair is not always equal.

So looking west, I hope that my heart can be in the right place, that my love for my students can be Christ's love. And I can help them in my classroom, whether it be a fish-bowl or not.

Coming Home

After a year, almost to the day, I have reentered the blogosphere with a curious calling on my heart. I don't know what it really means, but I know that I'm supposed to write, to share. I'm sorry for those of you who are faithful readers who have lost interest because of my absence, but I'm back now, with a different outlook on life.

Much has happened in a year. I have survived student teaching and graduated from college. I have learned I am going to be an aunt (literally within the next few days as yesterday baby was due). I have travelled to another country where part of my heart will always reside. I have read many books that have overwhelmed my soul. I have lost cats and gained others. I have been blessed with a part-time job which transitioned into a full-time job. I have students whom I adore and constantly challenge me.

But the biggest challenge and blessing came in this past week. I can't share details, nor do I really want to, but let's just say that I experienced something that will (Lord willing) only happen once in my teaching career. I know that's frustratingly vague, but to protect my students, I'm gonna keep it that way.

Because of this moment, this outpouring of emotion, my eyes have been opened to the pain of some of my students. And my heart aches. Instead of wanting to run away, I feel so much more anchored to the floor of my classroom. I have come home.

Some of you chuckle because I literally did come home. I am working at the school that I graduated from. But this is different. Because of this moment of utter pain and unguarded emotion, I don't think there is anywhere I would rather teach.

Yes, I probably will teach at another school at some point. Most teachers don't stay at the school they begin at. And especially with the Masters I plan on getting, my chances of staying at my school are little to none.

And yet. And yet I am overwhelmed. I feel a certain togetherness in my classroom that can only come from God. Instead of a splintering of souls, I feel like there is a coming together, a support system in a room of four cinder-block walls and posters.

Perhaps a little dumbly, I am going into this next week with high hopes. I know my students will not always be fantastic. I know that I will fail to teach them or be patient with them or plan something for them to learn. I know that the togetherness may not last, and maybe it's just an illusion that my soul wants to cling to, but I want to keep it.

I have hope. "'And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?'"(Esther 4:14).

What Truly Matters: The Gospel

As I am sitting here, my last free day before I begin student teaching, I am hit with the overwhelming urge to share with you the only reason my life matters:

Jesus Christ.

I know many of you know that I believe in Him already, but do you really understand, I wonder?

As I have grown up, I have realized that I am absolutely hopeless. Everything I do is wrong. I am never able to do what is right or good. I just am an icky person without much direction in my life. I fall short of people's expectations and of my own. I struggle with anxiety. I am afraid of everything. Even my own shadow.

But even for me, a fearful coward, there is hope. As I started realizing my grossness, I also began to realize that I need someone to save me from my hopelessness. What is the point of life if there is no hope?

Jesus stepped in to save me. He became my hope. I don't know how to really describe it, but Jesus filled my dark places with light. And where there was light, there was joy and hope and life. I have never felt more alive than when I am reading His words.

Now, I know it sounds like it's all about me, but it's not. It's all about Him. Seriously. Without Him, I am in a desert of anxiety and humiliation and shame and lust and greed and a million other sinful things. With Him, I drown in the water of life. I can't breathe for the sheer joy of it. Those sinful things that envelop my soul without Him are covered by His blood and are completely removed.

In Jesus, there is true satisfaction that no other relationship or grade or drug can give. He fills the places of pain and balms them with His love. He loves you. The God of the universe, the whole universe, loves you. He comes to you and wants know you. He wants to become your steadfast.

This love is not brought by being a good person. As humans, there is nothing we can do to increase the love of God. His love is a gift. His grace is a gift. There is nothing we can do to add our salvation. We cannot earn it. I mean, honestly, how could we? We are creatures that only live for a hundred or so years. Every day we are sinning. There is no way we could earn the love of God who is perfect and has no sin.

That is why Jesus came to die for us. I know most people have heard this one: Jesus died for you. But think about it this way. If someone truly loved you, he would willingly throw himself in front of a bus to save you from certain death. He would jump into a sea entirely infested with sharks to pull you from their jaws. He would sacrifice his life for yours so that you would not have to endure torture and death. This is what Jesus did. He died so you would not have to be judged on the basis of your sin. That is a death that you could never come back from. In His death, Jesus took the sins of the world. I mean, He was so sinful in that moment that even God could not look upon Him, God's only Son. But it was necessary so that we, the slimy human beings who actually committed the sins that Jesus died for, could receive the grace of God the Father.

"For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins" (Romans 3:23-25).

"When you were slaves to sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:20-23).

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:16-17).

Jesus came to give us forgiveness from our crimes. Because of His death, we can stand before the ultimate judge, God, and be pardoned of the sins we commit. If our sins were stains on a white shirt, the blood of Jesus worked like bleach and removed everything. Not even that mustard stain in the corner will remain. Whatever that represents will be forgiven. Our death for that sin is cancelled.

"And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all" (Hebrews 10:10).

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

If you believe that Jesus died for you and ask Him, He will forgive every blot and blemish of sin on your life. He will love you and hold you. He will fill the unsatisfied places that feel infinitely empty. He wants you to know him and to see his glory.

"And the Word [Jesus] became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.... And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:14 and 16).

If you have questions about what I'm talking about, shoot me an email or a message on Facebook. I'd love to talk more about this.

Pliable

God is teaching me, once again, to be pliable.

"Pliable" by Brooke Fraser

Providing Love in Public Schools: A Christ-Centered Goal

On the first day I have spent any time on Facebook in three or four days, I stumbled upon an amazing article about Christians becoming involved in public schools.

Here is my heart:

I want to love children throughout their education. I want to be a loving presence in a broken life. I want to be encouragement where there is none. I want to make a difference in their lives whether they be 18 or 8 or 8 months, whether they be deaf or hearing or stubbornly ignoring the world. I want to be there for them when crises arise. I want to save them from their broken and neglecting homes. I want to create a safe haven from them. I want the love of Christ to be obvious to them in how I treat them, respect them, teach them.

I did go to a private school for a while, both in elementary school and in college. But my heart is truly in the public school system. And this can only be because of Christ. We are not to isolate ourselves.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.... (Philippians 2:14-15)

I know that the public school system has its flaws and that Christians might not be able to reform every school, but being there, present in the midst of all the darkness, might bring Christ's light to someone who might not have known it otherwise.

This article has a lot of really good points. I would encourage you to read it, whether you agree or not. Gaining knowledge helps you form more Godly opinions. Read the article and read your Bible. But disregard the article if you have little time. Dig into the Word and pray about where God is leading you, public schools or not.

Psalm 102:7

I didn't sleep well last night. Not a super big deal, but still, it always makes for a rocky start. Every time this happens to me, I seem to fall asleep hard right before my alarm goes off. Like within the seven minutes after I hit my snooze button.

However, this morning, I was reading my Bible and was encouraged by this little verse. It's not earth-shattering, but I really enjoyed it.

I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop. (Psalm 102:7)

An Acceptable Time

When I am learning something, when I am struggling to understand a specific truth, God brings to life His promises. I am learning that He has a specific time for everything, and I need only wait.

But as for me, my prayer is to you, O Lord. At an acceptable time, O God, in the abundance of your steadfast love answer me in your saving faithfulness. (Psalm 69:13)

His time is the best time.

"Hope is Coming for Me"

Two of my favorites:

Brooke Fraser and C.S. Lewis

Brooke Fraser is an amazing musician that always seems to get to the heart of things, and C.S. Lewis was an incredible writer than teaches me about literature and about God in all of his works.

This is a combination of the two. Please enjoy.

Psalm 27:8

Just shy of the 2 month mark from my last blog, I venture to it again. School can be mightily overwhelming, and as apparent from my lack of blogging, writing for school became more important than writing simple blogs.

Over this Christmas break, I have been able to sit and reflect on the Word of God, blessed also by my spontaneity in purchasing myself a journal. Now if you know my history with journaling, you would think this a stupid waste of money. I tend to struggle to fill the pages of journals. All but one that I own have only a few entries. The one that is filled consists of church notes more than journal entries. However, I now have a journal and am making significant progress on my way through it. Though the art of journaling is still a mystery for me. I sometimes still feel as though I am writing for someone else when in reality, I am just writing for me and my Jesus.

Reading the Word of God has become a staple of my mornings. My last blog post shared how I struggle when I forget to read, and since that fateful week, my Bible is the first thing I read in the morning.

I am currently reading Psalms, working my way through the poetry. A few days ago, I read a verse that has stuck out to me and continues to crop up:

"You have said, 'Seek my face." My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek'" (Psalm 27:8).

Every day I am drawn back to this verse. Not only do I like the way it is writing (yes, I am an English major), but the sentiment is exactly what I want. I want to seek after God's face always.

Thus, Psalm 27:8 is likely to be the verse for 2011. Now I hate to make hasty pronouncements about what will happen this year by selecting a verse for it, but this verse encompasses the prayer I have and I will continue to have. Seeking His face is something I am determined to strive after.

So, dear reader, continue to seek His face. Because without His face, all would be hidden in shadow of evil and sin.

All for His glory.

Remembering the Word in the Morning

I was sitting in my apartment this morning after a significantly crazy week reading my Bible. This is the first time since Sunday that I have made time to actually read God's Word before I ran off to my day. And I realized that this should never happen...EVER AGAIN. My soul was soothed by the words of James, but it made me realize that my heart was parched and dying. I felt rejuvenated for the first time all week.

This is the only way to start the day out right. Without it, the days go wrong, I get crabby, and nothing really works out right. I feel my temper rise, I complain, and I just feel off over all.

With the Word in my head and heart, I feel on fire, I get giddy, and I feel restored. It seems to obvious that I would want this over the alternative, but sometimes school creeps up on me and pretends to be my all-in-all. Academics are a battle I fight every day, and I need to remember that they are just a part of this life that is passing away.

So I started my day today in James. Truth was imparted to my soul:

Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the
Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. (James
1:17)

Religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father, is this: to
visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep unstained from the
world. (James 1:27)

Every gift, and I have been blessed with many, comes from my Heavenly Father who will never change. He is the Father of lights, and He will wipe out the darkness.

Keeping unstained from the world is not easy, but with the help of the Holy Spirit and the truth imparted through the Word of God, it becomes a lot easier.

So my dear readership, remember to soothe your soul with the water that is only of the Word. Be rejuvenated in it. Remember to be thankful to God for the blessings that you have received, and in that thankfulness, remember to be unstained in the world so we can be a good witness for our Father.

And remember:

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless
and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and
twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast to
the word of life.... (Philippians 2:14-16)

All for His glory. Forever and ever.

Meat and Potatoes

This semester has been filled with surprisingly busy things. Some wonderful and amazing, others a little less so. But Jesus still manages to be present in my days.

I was reading Hebrews 5 this morning, and the end of the passage really hit home:

About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have
become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you
need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You
need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the
word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature,
for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to
distinguish good from evil. (Hebrews 5:11-14)

This passage made me pause. I really feel like I can only handle milk some days. The basics are all I can handle. I need to be able to handle and understand that which is milk before I can learn to eat solid food.

But I want to eat solid food. I want to savor meat and potatoes. I don't want to be complacent and just drink my milk. I need to be able to handle the milk and really be nurished by it, but I want to eat it in conjunction with those meat and potatoes.

For His glory I want to eat solid food.

Incorruptible Love

The more I read of the Bible, the more enthralled I am with it. It's not only what the words are saying, but the words that are used that create the impact.

This morning I was finishing up Ephesians when the wording of the last verse stopped me.

Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible. (ESV,
Ephesians 6:24)

Even in Paul's benediction do we see a call to purity and holiness. "Incorruptible" means something "that cannot be perverted" or "that will not dissolve, disintegreat, decay, etc." The NIV (New International Version) and the HCSB (Holman Christian Standard Bible) use the word "undying."

We are called to love Christ with an unperverted, dying, eternal love. The word "incorruptible" encompasses all that.

So, my dear friends, "Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible."

The Aroma of Christ

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:14-17)

It is the honest truth that those who are not saved smell the stench of death. They do not understand what it is to smell the sweet aroma that is Christ.

I want to fall on my knees. Christ, take me. Help me to be that aroma, the fragrance of Christ, spreading the knowledge of you.

There was no part of creature-holiness, that I then, and at other times, had so great a sense of the loveliness of, as humility, brokenness of heart and poverty of spirit: and there was nothing that I had such a spirit to long for. My heart, as it were, panted after this to lie low before GOD, and in the dust; that I might be nothing, and that God might be all; that I might become as a little child. (Jonathan Edwards: Personal Narrative)

All glory and honor to Christ, who endured all things so that we don't have to.

Insignificant Words that Produce Joy

I was walking home from class today, contemplating what makes me happy. I realized that my joys come from more simple things: a word, a touch, a good grade, etc. I mean, lately I have been really drawn to words that start with "W." I'm not sure you understand.

There are many words that bring me joy. Often they are little used words that are insignificant. Lately though, "W" has become my favorite letter, and words that begin with it just make me smile:

Wrinkle

Wonder

Wigglesworth, Michael (a poet)

Wit

Wistful

Whistle

Whimsical

Wish

Widget

Words

I could keep going, but I think you get my point.

Thoughts for a New School Year

So I haven't blogged since July. My apologies to those out there in the greater blogosphere.

I moved back into my apartment today and remembered why I don't live here during the summer. It's about 90 degrees in here, and our a/c doesn't cool enough of the apartment to be helpful. I'm praying for rain. And I think God is going to answer that prayer. It's supposed to be gloriously cool the rest of the week. Which means it'll still be hot in here, but not so much that I sweat just sitting still.

School starts on Thursday, and I can't wait. I'm just a big nerd, if you didn't already know, and the classroom is where I really want to be. All the time. And now I'm getting my wish.

Last week I finished reading Madeleine L'Engle's An Acceptable Time, the last installment to the Time Quintent which includes A Wrinkle in Time. The main character is contemplating death (a theme in a few of L'Engle's books), and she starts thinking about sacrifice, as her death would save many other people. Laying in her lean-to, she quotes this hymn:

Christ be with me

Christ within me

Christ behind me

Christ before me

Christ beside me

Christ to win me

Christ to comfort me

and restore me.

Christ beneath me

Christ above me

Christ in quiet

Christ in danger

Christ in hearts of

all that love me

Christ in mouth of

friend and stranger.

After I finished the book, I have gone back to this passage a few times. This hymn is a prayer. This year will be defined by this prayer. I want it to be an every day kind of prayer. And not something done out of tradition, but something that is genuine.

I was in a wedding recently as well (congratulations, Amber and Jason!!). The happy couple asked me to read Scripture at the wedding, and I agreed. The passage they had me read has also become something that I want to define this year by:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in the spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12: 9-18)

So we are off and running on a new year. I will attempt to post about my adventures regularly, but as you know, sometimes I get distracted.

All for His glory.

The Joy of Rereading

While I was making myself french toast this morning, I ruminating over some things. The one that stands out most prominently however is my tendency to reread my favorite books. I have always thought this a sort of weakness, something like a fear of breaking out of what is comfortable. This summer, my thoughts on this tendency changed when I had an interview at the library for my dream job: stocking shelves. Although I didn't get the job (they didn't like that I lived about an hour away), I came home with a new found respect for rereading books.

Within the interview, one of the librarians with whom I was talking asked me what books I like to read. My goodness, she opened the floodgates. We then talked about books for about 5 minutes, and when I mentioned Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte, she told me that she rereads it once or twice a year.

This woman inspired me to not feel shame in my desire to reread books. She is in charge of shelving and sees new books come in and out of the library all the time, and yet, she continues to reread books.

My desire to reread books was then fueled. Though I will read new books, I never again feel like there is anything wrong with rereading a quality book. I feel joy in them and want to experience it again and again. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Here are some of my favorites that I have reread at least once:

The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis (every time I finish this book, I get the feeling that I could never read again and still be happy; and that is significant when you are a reader)

A Wrinkle in Time by Madeline L'Engle

The Harry Potter Series by J.K. Rowling

The Tale of Despereaux by Kate DiCamillo

Ella Enchanted by Gail Carlson Levine

The Hobbit by J.R.R. Tolkien

The Lord of the Rings series by J.R.R. Tolkien

Surprised by Joy by C.S. Lewis

East by Edith Pattou

Peter Pan by James M. Barrie

And some I plan on rereading:

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

Northlander by Meg Burden

Foundling by D.M. Cornish

Lamplighter by D.M. Cornish

The Princess Bride by William Goldman

These are not all of the books I love, but these are many that have I have either read twice or three times (or more). Hope you can find some here that give you joy like they do for me!

Happy reading and rereading!

Brief-ish Thoughts, not Lectures or Rants

So today I have a couple thoughts for you. Thoughts, not lectures. I'm good at lectures or monologues or rants, but today, I have thoughts for you.

Thought #1: I am being baptized tonight, Lord willing. It's kinda nerve-wracking. I have to give my testimony in a brief minute to two minutes. Brief is not something I do well. I almost wanted to back out. I'm such a wuss. But God brought me to 1 Peter for a reason this morning:

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God's patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought to safety through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him. (1 Peter 3:18-22)

Thought #2: On Facebook, I was looking at a friend's little sister's pictures from her UK trip. I was almost brought to tears. Not only are Livi's pictures beautiful (all of them), but the desire that God has given me to go there was overwhelming. I just need to keep waiting. Waiting. The sign that looks like grass growing in front of you. Wait.

Thought #3: These are less like thoughts and more like subjects I'm just not elaborating on like I would like. Like I said, I'm not good at brief.

Thought #4: I love the Bible. It's intoxicating.

Finding Joy Further Up and Further In

I recently finished C.S. Lewis' Surprised by Joy. I attempted to read this book when I was just a mere 19-year-old, fresh out of my first year in college. Now, as a seasoned 21-year-old, I was able to finish it all, and probably appreciate it more. Not saying that I couldn't appreciate it at that time. I did appreciate and adore what I finished, but now I was able to really delve into the depths of Lewis' conversion because I actually reached it. I would recommend this book to anyone. It is absolutely excellent.

Lewis talks about Joy, and what that means. One of my favorite quotes says,

All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still "about to be." (78).

This just gives a little taste of what he means by Joy, but I think that this is significant nonetheless.

Lewis' use of the word "further" echoes a theme in his novel The Last Battle. One of the final chapters is called "Further Up and Further In." The allegory of the Chronicles of Narnia is based heavily in the Bible, but in this final installment, Lewis takes the main characters to their end and the world's end. When they are in heaven, Aslan calls them to come up "further up and further in."

As I was reading my book, How People Change, for my Titus 2 study, a women's mentoring group through Bethlehem Baptist, I came across a section called "Looking In and Looking Back." This further echoed Lewis' theme in my head. In this section, as with "Further Up and Further In," the authors, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane, discuss heaven. They quote the image of heaven in Revelation 7:9-17. A few pages later they ask, in reference to this passage,

As you listen to the saints in eternity, can you see yourself there? If you are one of God's children, you are in that scene. You actually see your future. This is the end of your story. (42)

The combination of the two images impressed itself on my mind. Now, after reading Surprised by Joy as well, I was able to really connect everything. Joy is something we find in looking forward to the eternal home God has created for us. He asks us to seek it "further up and further in." The image that is presented in Revelation is the end of our story.

Let's seek him further up and further in.