Ch-ch-ch-changes...

Just a heads-up: for the next two (or three) years, I will be incommunicado. Why, you ask so naïvely? Because I got accepted to grad school, that's why, my friend. And it's going to be nuts.

About four years ago, I sent a text message to two of my friends: "I want to teach deaf kids." Granted, this is not the most eloquent of all text messages, and looking back on it, I wish it would have been more beautifully worded. But this is what I got. It was the spring of 2009, and it was the beginning of a great passion.

In the fall of 2009, I started teaching myself sign language through youtube videos (praise God for youtube) and started inquiring about the Deaf/Hard of Hearing (DHH) program at the U. Since then I have taken ASL classes, I have observed an Early Childhood Special Education (ECSE) DHH classroom and a middle school DHH classroom, and I have been accepted to grad school.

Nearly four years of passion has been channeled to this moment. I could explode with happiness. I'm a happy crier (just ask my sister-in-law), and I will cry with happiness soon I'm sure. Yes, I do love my job, and no, I don't want to stop teaching English. But this is what God made me for. I feel a distinct calling to this position, this job.

I don't know what it will look like honestly. I don't know where I will end up teaching. I don't know how long it will take me to get through the program (though I have a projection). I don't know if God will say go to Ireland or India or China (with Hope Station??). I don't know a lot of things, but I know that I am excited and passionate and overwhelmed.

So for the next few years, as I go to school and teach English full-time, I probably won't be doing much blogging or texting or facebooking or tweeting. Maybe it won't change, but it probably will.

I don't like changes, but this is a change that I'm so excited about I can't breathe.

Coming Home

After a year, almost to the day, I have reentered the blogosphere with a curious calling on my heart. I don't know what it really means, but I know that I'm supposed to write, to share. I'm sorry for those of you who are faithful readers who have lost interest because of my absence, but I'm back now, with a different outlook on life.

Much has happened in a year. I have survived student teaching and graduated from college. I have learned I am going to be an aunt (literally within the next few days as yesterday baby was due). I have travelled to another country where part of my heart will always reside. I have read many books that have overwhelmed my soul. I have lost cats and gained others. I have been blessed with a part-time job which transitioned into a full-time job. I have students whom I adore and constantly challenge me.

But the biggest challenge and blessing came in this past week. I can't share details, nor do I really want to, but let's just say that I experienced something that will (Lord willing) only happen once in my teaching career. I know that's frustratingly vague, but to protect my students, I'm gonna keep it that way.

Because of this moment, this outpouring of emotion, my eyes have been opened to the pain of some of my students. And my heart aches. Instead of wanting to run away, I feel so much more anchored to the floor of my classroom. I have come home.

Some of you chuckle because I literally did come home. I am working at the school that I graduated from. But this is different. Because of this moment of utter pain and unguarded emotion, I don't think there is anywhere I would rather teach.

Yes, I probably will teach at another school at some point. Most teachers don't stay at the school they begin at. And especially with the Masters I plan on getting, my chances of staying at my school are little to none.

And yet. And yet I am overwhelmed. I feel a certain togetherness in my classroom that can only come from God. Instead of a splintering of souls, I feel like there is a coming together, a support system in a room of four cinder-block walls and posters.

Perhaps a little dumbly, I am going into this next week with high hopes. I know my students will not always be fantastic. I know that I will fail to teach them or be patient with them or plan something for them to learn. I know that the togetherness may not last, and maybe it's just an illusion that my soul wants to cling to, but I want to keep it.

I have hope. "'And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?'"(Esther 4:14).

What Truly Matters: The Gospel

As I am sitting here, my last free day before I begin student teaching, I am hit with the overwhelming urge to share with you the only reason my life matters:

Jesus Christ.

I know many of you know that I believe in Him already, but do you really understand, I wonder?

As I have grown up, I have realized that I am absolutely hopeless. Everything I do is wrong. I am never able to do what is right or good. I just am an icky person without much direction in my life. I fall short of people's expectations and of my own. I struggle with anxiety. I am afraid of everything. Even my own shadow.

But even for me, a fearful coward, there is hope. As I started realizing my grossness, I also began to realize that I need someone to save me from my hopelessness. What is the point of life if there is no hope?

Jesus stepped in to save me. He became my hope. I don't know how to really describe it, but Jesus filled my dark places with light. And where there was light, there was joy and hope and life. I have never felt more alive than when I am reading His words.

Now, I know it sounds like it's all about me, but it's not. It's all about Him. Seriously. Without Him, I am in a desert of anxiety and humiliation and shame and lust and greed and a million other sinful things. With Him, I drown in the water of life. I can't breathe for the sheer joy of it. Those sinful things that envelop my soul without Him are covered by His blood and are completely removed.

In Jesus, there is true satisfaction that no other relationship or grade or drug can give. He fills the places of pain and balms them with His love. He loves you. The God of the universe, the whole universe, loves you. He comes to you and wants know you. He wants to become your steadfast.

This love is not brought by being a good person. As humans, there is nothing we can do to increase the love of God. His love is a gift. His grace is a gift. There is nothing we can do to add our salvation. We cannot earn it. I mean, honestly, how could we? We are creatures that only live for a hundred or so years. Every day we are sinning. There is no way we could earn the love of God who is perfect and has no sin.

That is why Jesus came to die for us. I know most people have heard this one: Jesus died for you. But think about it this way. If someone truly loved you, he would willingly throw himself in front of a bus to save you from certain death. He would jump into a sea entirely infested with sharks to pull you from their jaws. He would sacrifice his life for yours so that you would not have to endure torture and death. This is what Jesus did. He died so you would not have to be judged on the basis of your sin. That is a death that you could never come back from. In His death, Jesus took the sins of the world. I mean, He was so sinful in that moment that even God could not look upon Him, God's only Son. But it was necessary so that we, the slimy human beings who actually committed the sins that Jesus died for, could receive the grace of God the Father.

"For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith. This was to show God's righteousness, because in his divine forbearance he had passed over former sins" (Romans 3:23-25).

"When you were slaves to sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord" (Romans 6:20-23).

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through him" (John 3:16-17).

Jesus came to give us forgiveness from our crimes. Because of His death, we can stand before the ultimate judge, God, and be pardoned of the sins we commit. If our sins were stains on a white shirt, the blood of Jesus worked like bleach and removed everything. Not even that mustard stain in the corner will remain. Whatever that represents will be forgiven. Our death for that sin is cancelled.

"And by that will we have been sanctified through the offering of the body of Jesus Christ once for all" (Hebrews 10:10).

"If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9).

If you believe that Jesus died for you and ask Him, He will forgive every blot and blemish of sin on your life. He will love you and hold you. He will fill the unsatisfied places that feel infinitely empty. He wants you to know him and to see his glory.

"And the Word [Jesus] became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth.... And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:14 and 16).

If you have questions about what I'm talking about, shoot me an email or a message on Facebook. I'd love to talk more about this.

Psalm 102:7

I didn't sleep well last night. Not a super big deal, but still, it always makes for a rocky start. Every time this happens to me, I seem to fall asleep hard right before my alarm goes off. Like within the seven minutes after I hit my snooze button.

However, this morning, I was reading my Bible and was encouraged by this little verse. It's not earth-shattering, but I really enjoyed it.

I lie awake; I am like a lonely sparrow on the housetop. (Psalm 102:7)

Psalm 27:8

Just shy of the 2 month mark from my last blog, I venture to it again. School can be mightily overwhelming, and as apparent from my lack of blogging, writing for school became more important than writing simple blogs.

Over this Christmas break, I have been able to sit and reflect on the Word of God, blessed also by my spontaneity in purchasing myself a journal. Now if you know my history with journaling, you would think this a stupid waste of money. I tend to struggle to fill the pages of journals. All but one that I own have only a few entries. The one that is filled consists of church notes more than journal entries. However, I now have a journal and am making significant progress on my way through it. Though the art of journaling is still a mystery for me. I sometimes still feel as though I am writing for someone else when in reality, I am just writing for me and my Jesus.

Reading the Word of God has become a staple of my mornings. My last blog post shared how I struggle when I forget to read, and since that fateful week, my Bible is the first thing I read in the morning.

I am currently reading Psalms, working my way through the poetry. A few days ago, I read a verse that has stuck out to me and continues to crop up:

"You have said, 'Seek my face." My heart says to you, 'Your face, Lord, do I seek'" (Psalm 27:8).

Every day I am drawn back to this verse. Not only do I like the way it is writing (yes, I am an English major), but the sentiment is exactly what I want. I want to seek after God's face always.

Thus, Psalm 27:8 is likely to be the verse for 2011. Now I hate to make hasty pronouncements about what will happen this year by selecting a verse for it, but this verse encompasses the prayer I have and I will continue to have. Seeking His face is something I am determined to strive after.

So, dear reader, continue to seek His face. Because without His face, all would be hidden in shadow of evil and sin.

All for His glory.

Meat and Potatoes

This semester has been filled with surprisingly busy things. Some wonderful and amazing, others a little less so. But Jesus still manages to be present in my days.

I was reading Hebrews 5 this morning, and the end of the passage really hit home:

About this we have much to say, and it is hard to explain, since you have
become dull of hearing. For though by this time you ought to be teachers, you
need someone to teach you again the basic principles of the oracles of God. You
need milk, not solid food, for everyone who lives on milk is unskilled in the
word of righteousness, since he is a child. But solid food is for the mature,
for those who have their powers of discernment trained by constant practice to
distinguish good from evil. (Hebrews 5:11-14)

This passage made me pause. I really feel like I can only handle milk some days. The basics are all I can handle. I need to be able to handle and understand that which is milk before I can learn to eat solid food.

But I want to eat solid food. I want to savor meat and potatoes. I don't want to be complacent and just drink my milk. I need to be able to handle the milk and really be nurished by it, but I want to eat it in conjunction with those meat and potatoes.

For His glory I want to eat solid food.

Incorruptible Love

The more I read of the Bible, the more enthralled I am with it. It's not only what the words are saying, but the words that are used that create the impact.

This morning I was finishing up Ephesians when the wording of the last verse stopped me.

Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible. (ESV,
Ephesians 6:24)

Even in Paul's benediction do we see a call to purity and holiness. "Incorruptible" means something "that cannot be perverted" or "that will not dissolve, disintegreat, decay, etc." The NIV (New International Version) and the HCSB (Holman Christian Standard Bible) use the word "undying."

We are called to love Christ with an unperverted, dying, eternal love. The word "incorruptible" encompasses all that.

So, my dear friends, "Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible."

The Aroma of Christ

But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ. (2 Corinthians 2:14-17)

It is the honest truth that those who are not saved smell the stench of death. They do not understand what it is to smell the sweet aroma that is Christ.

I want to fall on my knees. Christ, take me. Help me to be that aroma, the fragrance of Christ, spreading the knowledge of you.

There was no part of creature-holiness, that I then, and at other times, had so great a sense of the loveliness of, as humility, brokenness of heart and poverty of spirit: and there was nothing that I had such a spirit to long for. My heart, as it were, panted after this to lie low before GOD, and in the dust; that I might be nothing, and that God might be all; that I might become as a little child. (Jonathan Edwards: Personal Narrative)

All glory and honor to Christ, who endured all things so that we don't have to.

Thoughts for a New School Year

So I haven't blogged since July. My apologies to those out there in the greater blogosphere.

I moved back into my apartment today and remembered why I don't live here during the summer. It's about 90 degrees in here, and our a/c doesn't cool enough of the apartment to be helpful. I'm praying for rain. And I think God is going to answer that prayer. It's supposed to be gloriously cool the rest of the week. Which means it'll still be hot in here, but not so much that I sweat just sitting still.

School starts on Thursday, and I can't wait. I'm just a big nerd, if you didn't already know, and the classroom is where I really want to be. All the time. And now I'm getting my wish.

Last week I finished reading Madeleine L'Engle's An Acceptable Time, the last installment to the Time Quintent which includes A Wrinkle in Time. The main character is contemplating death (a theme in a few of L'Engle's books), and she starts thinking about sacrifice, as her death would save many other people. Laying in her lean-to, she quotes this hymn:

Christ be with me

Christ within me

Christ behind me

Christ before me

Christ beside me

Christ to win me

Christ to comfort me

and restore me.

Christ beneath me

Christ above me

Christ in quiet

Christ in danger

Christ in hearts of

all that love me

Christ in mouth of

friend and stranger.

After I finished the book, I have gone back to this passage a few times. This hymn is a prayer. This year will be defined by this prayer. I want it to be an every day kind of prayer. And not something done out of tradition, but something that is genuine.

I was in a wedding recently as well (congratulations, Amber and Jason!!). The happy couple asked me to read Scripture at the wedding, and I agreed. The passage they had me read has also become something that I want to define this year by:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in the spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12: 9-18)

So we are off and running on a new year. I will attempt to post about my adventures regularly, but as you know, sometimes I get distracted.

All for His glory.

Brief-ish Thoughts, not Lectures or Rants

So today I have a couple thoughts for you. Thoughts, not lectures. I'm good at lectures or monologues or rants, but today, I have thoughts for you.

Thought #1: I am being baptized tonight, Lord willing. It's kinda nerve-wracking. I have to give my testimony in a brief minute to two minutes. Brief is not something I do well. I almost wanted to back out. I'm such a wuss. But God brought me to 1 Peter for a reason this morning:

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God's patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought to safety through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him. (1 Peter 3:18-22)

Thought #2: On Facebook, I was looking at a friend's little sister's pictures from her UK trip. I was almost brought to tears. Not only are Livi's pictures beautiful (all of them), but the desire that God has given me to go there was overwhelming. I just need to keep waiting. Waiting. The sign that looks like grass growing in front of you. Wait.

Thought #3: These are less like thoughts and more like subjects I'm just not elaborating on like I would like. Like I said, I'm not good at brief.

Thought #4: I love the Bible. It's intoxicating.

Finding Joy Further Up and Further In

I recently finished C.S. Lewis' Surprised by Joy. I attempted to read this book when I was just a mere 19-year-old, fresh out of my first year in college. Now, as a seasoned 21-year-old, I was able to finish it all, and probably appreciate it more. Not saying that I couldn't appreciate it at that time. I did appreciate and adore what I finished, but now I was able to really delve into the depths of Lewis' conversion because I actually reached it. I would recommend this book to anyone. It is absolutely excellent.

Lewis talks about Joy, and what that means. One of my favorite quotes says,

All Joy reminds. It is never a possession, always a desire for something longer ago or further away or still "about to be." (78).

This just gives a little taste of what he means by Joy, but I think that this is significant nonetheless.

Lewis' use of the word "further" echoes a theme in his novel The Last Battle. One of the final chapters is called "Further Up and Further In." The allegory of the Chronicles of Narnia is based heavily in the Bible, but in this final installment, Lewis takes the main characters to their end and the world's end. When they are in heaven, Aslan calls them to come up "further up and further in."

As I was reading my book, How People Change, for my Titus 2 study, a women's mentoring group through Bethlehem Baptist, I came across a section called "Looking In and Looking Back." This further echoed Lewis' theme in my head. In this section, as with "Further Up and Further In," the authors, Paul Tripp and Timothy Lane, discuss heaven. They quote the image of heaven in Revelation 7:9-17. A few pages later they ask, in reference to this passage,

As you listen to the saints in eternity, can you see yourself there? If you are one of God's children, you are in that scene. You actually see your future. This is the end of your story. (42)

The combination of the two images impressed itself on my mind. Now, after reading Surprised by Joy as well, I was able to really connect everything. Joy is something we find in looking forward to the eternal home God has created for us. He asks us to seek it "further up and further in." The image that is presented in Revelation is the end of our story.

Let's seek him further up and further in.

"See, here is water!"

Now an angel of the Lord said to Philip, "Rise and go toward the south to the road that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza." This is a desert place. And he rose and went. And there was a Ethiopian, a eunuch, a court official of Candace, queen of the Ethiopians, who has in charge of all her treasure. He had come to Jerusalem to worship and was returning, seated in his chariot, and he was reading the prophet Isaiah. And the Spirit said to Philip, "Go over and join this chariot." So Philip ran to him and heard him reading Isaiah the prophet and asked, "Do you understand what you are reading?" And he said, "How can I, unless someone guides me?" And he invited Philip to come up and sit with him. Now the passage of the Scripture that he was reading was this:

"'Like a sheep he was led to the slaughter

and like a lamb before the shearer is silent,

so he opens not his mouth.

In his humiliation justice was

denied him.

Who can describe his generation?

For his life is taken away from

the earth.'"

And the eunuch said to Philip, "About whom, I ask you, does the prophet say this, about himself or someone else?" Then Philip opened him mouth, and beginning with this Scripture he told him the good news about Jesus. And as they were going along the road they came to some water, and the eunuch said, "See, here is water! What prevents me from being baptized?" And he commanded the chariot to stop, and they both went down into the water, Philip and the eunuch, and he baptized him. And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing. (Acts 8:26-39)

My parents and I are being baptized this Wednesday (7/14) at Lake Nokomis. We would be honored if you would join us in rejoicing in what God has done through Christ's death and resurrection. Let me know if you would like to come!

All for His glory.

Broken at the Bou

Today I broke the bulk bean grinder at the Bou (Caribou if you were wondering). A coffee shop needs to be able to grind it's coffee. It's an important feature of what we do at Caribou. Serving coffee is pretty high on our priority list.

I have been at Caribou for almost four years. Yes, I do take time off for school, but I have worked every summer since I was 17. That's a long time. And yet, out of ignorance, I broke the bulk bean grinder.

I really didn't think it was that big of a deal until I told my manager. She then checked it and was like "oh no, oh no" and mouthed an expletive. I then understood the horror of what I had done.

Sitting in the lobby was the District Manager and a former store manager as well.

Oh, great.

My manager ended up having to call a guy to come and fix the grinder. My pride and self-assurance in my Caribou Coffee employment went down the drain.

How could I be that stupid? I mean, I've been there for four years! I do not screw up like this. I am not an absent-minded employee. I mean, really?

A few hours later, after continually screwing things up, I was standing in the back, drowning my sorrows in mucky dishwater. I mean I really wasn't sobbing or anything, but I was definitely reflecting on my idiocy.

Then I remembered what I read this morning in Ezra and what I promised myself I would remember throughout the day. It didn't completely apply at that moment; the significance of it really didn't click until now. But God is good and sovereign. He brought both of these passages to mind:

For we are slaves. Yet our God has not forsaken us in our slavery.... (Ezra 9:9a)

and:

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you...." (2 Corinthians 12:9a)

Now both passages were not in full, but as I look at them now, I see God connecting them to my day.

Christ reminded me that I am still a slave to my sin. Pride is my weakness. It shackles me to this earth, and I am helpless to fight against it. At least I am on my own. He then reminded me that His grace is all I need. Though I am a slave, God has not forsaken me. His grace is a gift He has given me, and that gift is sufficient even when I screw up at the Bou.

These little reminders were extremely significant to my situation today. Though it seemed like just a screw up at Caribou Coffee, it was really a reminder from my all-sufficient Savior that He loves me and his grace is sufficient when my pride fails. Which it always does, and His always is. Sad that I forget that.

So today at Caribou, I screwed up. But I was broken before my God which is so much more important than Caribou Coffee could ever be.

All for His glory.

Not Just a Morning Morsel

So I've been really bad at doing my devotions this week. Like really bad. And it's really affecting my life. I can feel myself slipping backwards. It's a horrible feeling.

This morning I was heading out to open at my Caribou. It was really early. Like 4am early. I have no desire to be up at 4am. Ever. When I have kids, and they wake up and need Mommy at 4am, or when I am flying to some "exotic" place and need to be out of my house at 4am, okay, then 4am is understandable. I know this is work, and it's a priority and important. But 4am?? Okay.

4:40 rolled around, and I was all ready to head out the door, but what's the point of getting to work early when you are opening? So I sat down at the table again and opened my Bible.

I only had a few minutes to I wasn't able to read in Ezra or John (where I have been reading),but I had a book-marker at Psalm 79. A couple verses really stuck out to me:

Do not remember against us our

former iniquities;

let your compassion come

speedily to meet us,

for we are brought very low.

Help us, O God of our salvation,

for the glory of your name;

deliver us, and atone for our sins,

for your name's sake! (Psalm 79:8-9)

These verses really outlined how I was feeling. I needed to be brought low, and I was. My ache was for God to meet me there. He answered my silent, unconscious prayer.

After I finished up Psalm 79, my eye was drawn to a verse I had underlined in Psalm 80 when I read through the Psalms last year:

Restore us, O God;

let your face shine, that we may be saved! (Psalm 80:3)

The last time I successfully read my devotion, the chapter in Taste and See talked about finding a piece of Scripture to bask in all day. Not to attempt to survive on just a morsel in the morning and nothing else the rest of the day. One would starve.

I took this to heart and have tried to do this throughout the past days that I have spent time in the Word. Today, I meditated on Psalm 80:3. I needed restoration. My backsliding is unacceptable, and I needed restoration to a place where I could be in communication with Him. And with this verse, I was able to see it. My desire became to "let [His] face shine, that [I] may be saved!"

All for His glory.

Chai Tea and Desires

Today is just a day. Today is just a day in an endless stream of days. But today, all I want to do it write. And drink chai tea. Preferably Big Train Chai, but Caribou chai would suffice as well.

But what to write about. What to say that would be significant, but also extremely interesting and a pleasure to read?

Honestly I don't know. I could tell you about my day. I could tell you about my weekend. I could go on and on about the books I've read for class, about the overwhelming nature of my next paper. But really, who wants to read about that?

I find myself desiring something other than I have today. I want the sun to be shining, I want to be sitting in a hip coffee shop (yes, hip), and I want to have no cares in the world. I want to be writing from my soul and not from my mind. I want the words to flow and the utterances to have meaning.

But you know what, I have nothing to say. I want to write, and I want to write well. I want to live in a time of life where stress is nonexistent, but for me, stress, whether good or bad, will always be around. Lord willing, I will learn how to deal with it without falling apart.

So that's my desire today. I want to be different and out there, but I'm not. I am who I am. The Lord has made me this way and put me in this place for a reason. SO here we go. Let's work for Him.

All for His glory.

A Crazy Week with Overwhelming Hope

This week has been crazy. Yes, most people would say that every week in a college student's life is nuts, but this week was especially insane.

Monday: Paper (writing all day; due by midnight)

Tuesday: ASL Presentation (YAY!)

Wednesday: Attempt to gain sanity before Gear Up Get Ready

Thursday: Wrangle 20 seventh graders with a team of 9 for 4ish hours. Plans changed.

Friday: Get a hair cut; try on a bridesmaid dress; drive 130+ miles

Okay. So from this angle, it doesn't look all that bad, but right now (when I should be sleeping), it felt like an insane week.

All this to say that I have been emotional a lot in the past two days. Worn out from working with a group of seventh graders that we had to entertain, I freaked out a few times. I let things get to me. I exploded. Twice.

But not all my emotions were bad. I talked to my brother today and told him about the field trip. He asked if the students were deaf or hearing. I don't know why, but that made my heart happy. Maybe it was a small reminder of what God has planned for me. A reminder of the passion He put there. And then Caleb told me he was proud of me. I'm not sure how intentionally he said it, but it made me cry. To have my brother proud of me is amazing. It made my morning.

And later in the day, I was driving home from Montrose, MN, where I was being fitted for a bridesmaid dress for my friend Alicia's wedding. I signed the entire way home. I know that isn't the safest thing in the world when driving, but I just couldn't stop. I got home and read Taryn Wobbema's blog, "a campaign for light," and the word "new" at the end of her most recent post jumped out at me. My head immediately signed it. And I almost cried again.

God is good and merciful and gracious and my hope. His plan for me is so much more glorious than I could even imagine. Though this week was crazy, His light was in it over and over. He granted freedom from stress and self-consciousness the day of Gear Up Get Ready. I was able to just have fun. There was very little anxiety. He granted me happiness in my brother's small comment. He granted me a sense of hope in signing.

Today was the culmination of a week of wonders.

Hope is Christ. Christ is hope. All for His glory.

A Blog About Remembering

So school is coming to a close for the year with only three weeks left or so. It sometimes overwhelms me.

There are so many projects to do. Some are fun and exciting; some are stressful and depressing. All are important.

I have to take some time and just be. I need to remember that my God is bigger than all the important projects. His purpose is for me to do more than get a good grade on projects.

Today I focused on His Word more than I have all week. It helped my mindset and my heart. Why do I choose not to devote time to Him?

It's because sometimes the world seems more appealing. But it's not. It's temporary.

God and His love are eternal.

This is a blog about remembering. A reminder for the writer more than the reader.

"We Will Dance" by David Ruis

Sing a song of celebration

Lift up a shout of joy

For the Bridegroom will come

The Glorious One

And oh, we will look on His face

We'll go to a much better place

Dance with all your might

Lift up your hands and clap for joy

The time's drawing near

When He will appear

And oh, we will stand by his side

A strong, pure, spotless bride

We will dance on streets that are golden

The glorious bride and the great Son of Man

From every tribe and tongue and nation

Will join in the song of the Lamb

Sing aloud for the time of rejoicing is near

(Sing aloud for the time of rejoicing is near)

The risen King, our Groom, is soon to appear

(The risen King, our Groom, is soon to appear)

The wedding feast to come is now near at hand

(The wedding feast to come is now near at hand)

Lift up your voice, proclaim the coming Lamb

(Lift up your voice, proclaim the coming Lamb)

A Martha Striving to be a Mary

I find that stress is something that either inspires creativity or kills it relentlessly.

I, some days, can't find the happy medium. It's like everything happens all at once, and things that you knew were looming, creep up with an overwhelming intensity that you weren't prepared for.

And it almost always happens on a Monday.

So today is a Monday, and today I am overwhelmed to the point of tears (the point, however none have dropped).

I was looking over my schedule, planning out my life for the week on my Post-it calendar (which was a gift from my mother for Christmas; amazing gift), and I read over the verses I had put in the margin. It was from Luke 10. I'll tell you the whole story so you get the context:

Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, "Lord, do you not care that my sister had left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me." But the Lord answered her, "Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her." (Luke 10: 38-42)

I've heard this story before, but last week when I was reading it, and now when I read it again, I am amazed to realize that I am a Martha who should be a Mary. The only thing that matters is the Lord and his Word. I can just imagine Jesus shaking his head, saying "Martha, Martha" or "Kate, Kate" in an exasperated, but loving, way.

My desire for the rest of this semester (and essentially the rest of my life) is to be a Mary who chooses the good portion "which will not be taken away from her."

For All Those Girls Whose Daddies Didn't Love Them the Way He Should've

Today is a Saturday. On any typical Saturday, I don't do much of anything until the afternoon. I get up and watch tv in my pj's till it's time to get ready for church.

But today was different. Today, I got up and drank my tea and read my Bible. Today I worshiped Jesus. Today I spent the morning with my daddy.

And not just with my spiritual Daddy, but my physical one as well.

It made a difference in how I looked at my day.

I have a great relationship with my dad. He's always loving and protecting. Yes, I fight with him sometimes, but that's because I'm his kid. Not like that justifies it, but you know what I mean.

It was interesting that when I came home after spending some really good time with my daddy, I sat down to see what was on tv and got sucked into Georgia Rule. Now I had heard of this movie, and I did want to see it, so I just continued to watch.

It was a pretty good movie; however, it was not one that I would watch in mixed company.

The movie is about three generations of women who all have issues. However the youngest takes it a step further when she admits that her step-father molested her when she was young.

Interesting. I just spent a wonderful, glorious morning with my father who loves and protects me at all costs, and I watch a movie that reminds me that not all little girls have the same relationship. It just about broke my heart.

How can I help?

That's one of the reasons I want to be a teacher, so I can help. I want girls to know that even if their daddies are not loving them the way he should, they can find the love of a father in Jesus. And yes, I want to work in a public school, so I may not be able to explicitly say that, but I want to be able to live my life in such a way that they question. I want to be a witness.

I want to know that forgiveness is real and the love of a father is there for them.

So to all of those girls whose daddies are amazing and love them beyond measure, call him up and tell him how much you appreciate him and what he does for you.

And to all those girls whose daddies did unimaginable things to them, there is a way to find a Father-like love. Jesus can heal that wounded part of you. He can fill that hole and give you hope for a better and brighter future. He is better than any earthly man. Just ask Him. He'll tell you in ways that you probably wouldn't expect. Watch for His love to pour out upon you because He will pour it.

If you grew up with a daddy who didn't love you the way a daddy should, if he neglected you or molested you or beat you, just know that there is help in a holy God who will love you better than any father, good or bad, could here on earth.