Magical Balls of Fluff and the End of Another Year

I sat in front of my screen door this morning, looking out into the front yard. The cottonwood trees have been a constant pleasure for me in years past, and today was the first day they seemed to free their small seedlings. As I watched them gather on the road, floating downward with soft motion, the wind picked up some. Now, it's not like they were just blown down the road. No, these little miracles formed a body of cotton, swirling in the perpetual dance of life. With the wind as a propellent, these magical balls of fluff give life to the desires of my soul. Today is my first official day of summer, and the seedlings of the cottonwood trees depict a slow dance, the peace that I want for my summer. I'm not sure I can put into words the feeling I get while watching them, but I think it's truly something akin to peace.

This week marks the end of my first year of teaching, my 20th year in the educational system. I can honestly say that this year was the most stressful of them all. I think I can also say that it was also the most rewarding of them all. Many things did not go the way I wanted, but many things turned out better than I could have ever imagined. And most of these things were not lessons or activities (though I had some success there too). No, these successes were mostly in the amazing relationships I have with my students, some of now who are friends.

The end of this year brings happiness, but also some tears. Not only does this week end my first year of teaching, but it also brings the end of some amazingly impactful careers. Two of my most influential teachers retired this week, and though I know I will see them again, it will be weird for them not to be at Anoka anymore. One is my former Humanities teacher, who taught me about life and shared with me wisdom that, in my high school career, I had never gotten before. The other is my former College in Schools (CIS) teacher, who taught me so much I don't even know where to begin. Both were influential in my formative years, and they have been indispensable colleagues.

One story, then I'm done. In January, I posted about an unfortunate event that happened in my classroom. Now that it's been five months or so, I think I can share a little bit more about that.

I had a fight in my classroom. It was not a yelling and screaming fight. It was a boxing match. No words were exchanged; they just began fighting. I can sincerely claim it was a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I would never wish on anyone. That day, I got by in a daze. A little later in my day, my former CIS teacher showed up at my door. I had gotten a lot of sympathy that day, but he just hugged me. I'm sure he asked me if I was okay, but I don't remember what I said, I just remember that hug. It was the first time I felt safe all day. Again, I can't truly describe how that felt, but those who have been through something like this will know, feeling safe again is a rarity. Now he is retired, and though I know I am safe in my building, his presence will be missed in my little world.

Okay, I have now ranted about seedlings and retirements and fights. They all seem interconnected to me in some way. This year I have learned more about myself and about the human condition than all of my years combined. I have also learned that God is essential in all of my wanderings, even though I am horrible at remembering to include him most of the time. I have been blessed by students, colleagues, my bosses, my friends (new and old), my parents, my cats, my siblings, my nephew. The list could go on and on, and I would never be able to share them all.

A few weeks ago I discovered this song, and I think it spells out the end of my year perfectly.



So in conclusion, I have had a fantastic year that has taught me a lot, and I'm sure it will continue to teach me as summer rolls on. As some of my girls would say to me,"You go girl."

All for his glory and fame.

Looking East

In the silence of a Saturday morning, I'm reflecting on the week behind me. Actually, I don't imagine the past stretching out behind me, as if it were an ever growing timeline of moments and words that extends out behind me in some physical capacity. And since I don't feel this, I shouldn't say it that way. I tend to think of the past as perpetually extending east. It's not "back a few years ago" in my head or even "back in high school," but east. Therefore, since I am facing east in my morning chair, I guess I am facing the past, facing what God has taught me or will teach me in further reflection.

Sometimes I feel like I live for the weekend, always looking west (to the future) to when I will be able to sleep in or grade or read in peace. Rest. However, the weekends roll around, and they tend to be filled with about the same amount of stress as the weeks. Mostly because me, being over-ambitious, declare I am going to get a significant amount of grading done, and I complete half of it. Or none of it. Rarely do my weekends actually turn out the way I want them to.

But how can I complain? I still get weekends and don't have to hold a second job that fills my time on the weekends as well. Or have one job that I work 7 days a week. I am thankful.

But back to looking east, I realize that my week was successful in some ways, and in other ways, it fell flat. Conversations with students lacking patience might be what some of them needed to hear. Conversations filled with too much patience for students might do more hurt that good. Conversations with students containing too much caring for students well-being might color my view of students. Sometimes I feel like my classroom is a fish-bowl, and the student I see is all that matters. But other people have opinions of students and know more about their lives. I need to learn how to be more well-rounded with my students. But I will never agree that all students deserve the same treatment. What is fair is not always equal.

So looking west, I hope that my heart can be in the right place, that my love for my students can be Christ's love. And I can help them in my classroom, whether it be a fish-bowl or not.

Providing Love in Public Schools: A Christ-Centered Goal

On the first day I have spent any time on Facebook in three or four days, I stumbled upon an amazing article about Christians becoming involved in public schools.

Here is my heart:

I want to love children throughout their education. I want to be a loving presence in a broken life. I want to be encouragement where there is none. I want to make a difference in their lives whether they be 18 or 8 or 8 months, whether they be deaf or hearing or stubbornly ignoring the world. I want to be there for them when crises arise. I want to save them from their broken and neglecting homes. I want to create a safe haven from them. I want the love of Christ to be obvious to them in how I treat them, respect them, teach them.

I did go to a private school for a while, both in elementary school and in college. But my heart is truly in the public school system. And this can only be because of Christ. We are not to isolate ourselves.

Do all things without grumbling or questioning, that you may be blameless and innocent, children of God without blemish in the midst of a crooked and twisted generation, among whom you shine as lights in the world.... (Philippians 2:14-15)

I know that the public school system has its flaws and that Christians might not be able to reform every school, but being there, present in the midst of all the darkness, might bring Christ's light to someone who might not have known it otherwise.

This article has a lot of really good points. I would encourage you to read it, whether you agree or not. Gaining knowledge helps you form more Godly opinions. Read the article and read your Bible. But disregard the article if you have little time. Dig into the Word and pray about where God is leading you, public schools or not.

Insignificant Words that Produce Joy

I was walking home from class today, contemplating what makes me happy. I realized that my joys come from more simple things: a word, a touch, a good grade, etc. I mean, lately I have been really drawn to words that start with "W." I'm not sure you understand.

There are many words that bring me joy. Often they are little used words that are insignificant. Lately though, "W" has become my favorite letter, and words that begin with it just make me smile:

Wrinkle

Wonder

Wigglesworth, Michael (a poet)

Wit

Wistful

Whistle

Whimsical

Wish

Widget

Words

I could keep going, but I think you get my point.

Thoughts for a New School Year

So I haven't blogged since July. My apologies to those out there in the greater blogosphere.

I moved back into my apartment today and remembered why I don't live here during the summer. It's about 90 degrees in here, and our a/c doesn't cool enough of the apartment to be helpful. I'm praying for rain. And I think God is going to answer that prayer. It's supposed to be gloriously cool the rest of the week. Which means it'll still be hot in here, but not so much that I sweat just sitting still.

School starts on Thursday, and I can't wait. I'm just a big nerd, if you didn't already know, and the classroom is where I really want to be. All the time. And now I'm getting my wish.

Last week I finished reading Madeleine L'Engle's An Acceptable Time, the last installment to the Time Quintent which includes A Wrinkle in Time. The main character is contemplating death (a theme in a few of L'Engle's books), and she starts thinking about sacrifice, as her death would save many other people. Laying in her lean-to, she quotes this hymn:

Christ be with me

Christ within me

Christ behind me

Christ before me

Christ beside me

Christ to win me

Christ to comfort me

and restore me.

Christ beneath me

Christ above me

Christ in quiet

Christ in danger

Christ in hearts of

all that love me

Christ in mouth of

friend and stranger.

After I finished the book, I have gone back to this passage a few times. This hymn is a prayer. This year will be defined by this prayer. I want it to be an every day kind of prayer. And not something done out of tradition, but something that is genuine.

I was in a wedding recently as well (congratulations, Amber and Jason!!). The happy couple asked me to read Scripture at the wedding, and I agreed. The passage they had me read has also become something that I want to define this year by:

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in the spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. (Romans 12: 9-18)

So we are off and running on a new year. I will attempt to post about my adventures regularly, but as you know, sometimes I get distracted.

All for His glory.

Brief-ish Thoughts, not Lectures or Rants

So today I have a couple thoughts for you. Thoughts, not lectures. I'm good at lectures or monologues or rants, but today, I have thoughts for you.

Thought #1: I am being baptized tonight, Lord willing. It's kinda nerve-wracking. I have to give my testimony in a brief minute to two minutes. Brief is not something I do well. I almost wanted to back out. I'm such a wuss. But God brought me to 1 Peter for a reason this morning:

For Christ also suffered once for sins, the righteous for the unrighteous, that he might bring us to God, being put to death in the flesh but made alive in the spirit, in which he went and proclaimed to the spirits in prison, because they formerly did not obey, when God's patience waited in the days of Noah, while the ark was being prepared, in which a few, that is, eight persons, were brought to safety through water. Baptism, which corresponds to this, now saves you, not as a removal of dirt from the body but as an appeal to God for a good conscience, through the resurrection of Jesus Christ, who has gone into heaven and is at the right hand of God, with angels, authorities, and powers having been subjected to him. (1 Peter 3:18-22)

Thought #2: On Facebook, I was looking at a friend's little sister's pictures from her UK trip. I was almost brought to tears. Not only are Livi's pictures beautiful (all of them), but the desire that God has given me to go there was overwhelming. I just need to keep waiting. Waiting. The sign that looks like grass growing in front of you. Wait.

Thought #3: These are less like thoughts and more like subjects I'm just not elaborating on like I would like. Like I said, I'm not good at brief.

Thought #4: I love the Bible. It's intoxicating.