Bursting at the Seams

So over the past four weeks, I have spent my Tuesday and Thursday mornings at a middle school for placement. This supposedly consists of me observing a teacher in my area teaching a class of unruly middle school kiddos. When I was first placed in a middle school, I was very hesitant because if you know me at all, you'll know I want to teach high school kids. I went into the classroom with a little experience, my summer job putting me in a classroom setting four days a week. I learned how the class worked and after the first week, I was in love.

I am at the middle school for two class periods of Language Arts.

Oh man. I love it.

I get to walk around and chat with the kids about their projects and reactions to certain topics. For the first couple weeks, the kids were really hesitant to think anything of me, or at least outwardly. But they are middle schoolers.

Now, my placement is quickly coming to a close, and they like me. I don't want to leave. Some of the girls asked me why I don't come every day. I melted. One followed me around while we were in the library. She was disappointed when she had to go back to class with the real teacher. They really like me. I'm attached. I don't want to ever leave.

I'm really amazed at these students as well. I noticed this in summer school as well, but it seems more apparent in the middle school setting: though I discipline, the students still like me. They respect me and want my attention. I'm absolutely baffled by this. If I tell them what they are doing is wrong, why would they like me? I don't fully understand. Is it the way I go about it? I'm not sure I will ever understand.

My excitement to be a teacher is magnified in these days that I spend with these students. I feel God's love for them as I walk through the halls and watch them interact. The desire of my heart is to be a teacher. How great is our God that He fills our hearts, our measly pitiful little hearts, with His awe-some incredible desires.

I can't contain myself. Literally.

God is good, my friends. God is so good.

Reality is Calling

So over the past few weeks, I haven’t been very good about striving towards the Lord. I have been thinking that I could do it all myself and was consistently humbled. Every few days, I would get a swift kick in the pants to remember that I, the ultimate control freak, have absolutely no control.

Suddenly, I changed the course for the next semester. Granted, it's only three months or so, but still, it has a big impact on what will happen in my future.

I dropped a class I need for my major and picked up a class that will not be beneficial to me credit wise.

This does not seem super important, but it is. With this class that is important to me graduating, I was not able to spend time in the Word in my mornings. The time I would have spent would have been cramped and rushed.

But as I dropped this course, I found myself desiring to be in the Word even more. Everyday. I can't get enough of its truths. It's all I desire.

I immediately dug into Acts. I had been slowly making my way through this book, but now, I had a passion to really know it. As I read it, I can across this passage (Acts 16:6-10):

And they went through the region of Phrygia and Galatia, having been forbidden by the Holy Spirit to speak the word in Asia. And when they had come up to Mysia, they attempted to go into Bithynia, but the Spirit of Jesus did not allow them. So, passing by Mysia, they went down to Troas. And a vision appeared to Paul in the night: a man of Macedonia was standing there, urging him and saying, "Come over to Macedonia and help us." And when Paul had seen the vision, immediately we sought to go on into Macedonia, concluding that God has called us to preach the gospel to them.

This passage really spoke to me because I had been seeing the Holy Spirit working in ways that seem contrary to what He would want. But then I remembered that God has a plan in everything. Even when we are striving to do God's will, we might not be listening. We must listen to our men of Macedonia and go where God is calling, listening to Him and Him alone.

He calls us to the places we least likely expect to go to preach the gospel and witness for Him.

I also began to read 1 John, and God began to speak to me through it. One of the many passages that stuck out to me was 1 John 4: 4:

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them [evil spirits], for he who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.

And 1 John 5: 4-5:

For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world--our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world except the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?

This passage really reminded me that I am of God, and even as I live in the world, I have a God that I am called by. He loves me and with Him I can overcome every temptation, crude comment, slander, fear, violence, or hate that is thrown at me.

God is good, my friends. Through a trivial change in my schedule, I have become more solid in my decision to transfer. God is calling me out, as Pastor Jason said today at Grace Church of Roseville. He talked about knowing God and following His voice. Pastor Jason stated that we were not meant to live life in a pen, or a bubble. God is calling me out.

This might be the first time some of you have heard me speak of transferring. If you want to know more about my decision, drop me a line. I'd love to tell you about what God is doing in my life and has been doing in the past few months.

It all comes back to my Father. He is my sustainer, and without Him, these decisions would never come to be.

So, I will be following God’s voice in this transition. His Word has become fuel for the fire within me. I’m intoxicated by it.

One thought to leave you with. Do not let yourselves be distracted from the Maker of heaven and earth. Do not listen to the voices of the world, for they are all corrupt. Even mine, if my words and my intent are not the Lord’s. Stay away from those things that would draw you to evil.

Little children, keep yourselves from idols. (1 John 5: 21)

Psalm 27:14

There are so many things happening in my life right now, so many transitions. They are all exciting in their own way, but they are all also hard. Throughout my thought-processes and rants, I have had a few good friends call to my attention the fact that God is in control.

Nothing is up to me. I really realized it the other day when I finally got on campus. So many emotions, thoughts, worries, excitements, came rushing back. It was almost frightening the intensity of it all.

The over-arching feeling I was blessed with was peace. I had been so concerned with the future and not being able to see it. But God set upon me a cloud of peace. Such an amazing God I serve, or attempt to serve. He is my Maker.

The verse that really influenced me was Psalm 27:14. It spelled out what I needed to hear, and what I plan on focusing on while these transitions come to be.

"Wait for the Lord;
be strong, and let your heart take
courage;
wait for the Lord!"
--Psalm 27:14

God is good. He is in charge of all I feel and do. He is sovereign. Truly sovereign.

In Christ Alone

In Christ alone my hope is found;
He is my light, my strength, my song;
This cornerstone, this solid ground,
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My comforter, my all in all—
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, Who took on flesh,
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness,
Scorned by the ones He came to save.
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied;
For ev'ry sin on Him was laid—
Here in the death of Christ I live.

There in the ground His body lay,
Light of the world by darkness slain;
Then bursting forth in glorious day,
Up from the grave He rose again!
And as He stands in victory,
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me;
For I am His and He is mine—
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

No guilt in life, no fear in death—
This is the pow'r of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath,
Jesus commands my destiny.
No pow'r of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home—
Here in the pow'r of Christ I'll stand.

2 Corinthians 2:7-10

So my brother and his wife came home from their honeymoon last night. They are definitely two of the most amazing people I have ever known.

I was reading through my Bible the other day, and I fell upon this passage, 2 Corinthians 12: 7-10:

"So to keep me from being too elated by the surpassing greatness of revelations, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messanger of Satan to harass me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

Christ makes His strength perfect in my weakness. Such a statement. I don't have to be perfect to be a Christian. I should strive towards Christ in everything I do, not settling for my failures, but in those places that I do fall short, His strength is made perfect. Wow. What an amazing God. Even when I screw up, people will see Christ in me. Even though I'm this little girl who isn't always satisfied to look to Christ to fill my voids, He uses me. His power is made perfect in weakness, and His grace is sufficient for me.

The being content part is hard for me to grasp too. I need to be content in Christ when things aren't going the way I think they should. "For when I am weak, then I am strong." Darn that's hard. What a prayer to pray, "Make me weak, so that Your strength will be made perfect." Something to ponder.

Weekend Findings

Some things I learned this weekend:

1. Making up elaborate stories about feedworms and convincing four year olds that they are real is extremely funny.

2. Family is awesome, even mine. I've been really blessed.

3. Friends are stinking amazing. Especially ones that ride with you for four hours to take your newlywed brother and sister-in-law to their hotel. :-)

4. God is good all the time. He grant the desires of the hearts of those who fervently seek after Him. Psalm 37

The One Where the Sheep Actually Becomes a Sheep

I know my title is long, but that is what has been happening in my life lately. I know that I claim to be a sheep, but honestly, I've been one of those sheep that follows one day and runs away the next. I was a sheep with thorns and stickers (you know those sharp things in the weeds that you can never get off things?) always stuck in my wool, and I just didn't want my Shepherd to get them out. I fought Him, and I fought Him.

Last night, this sheep with all the thorns and issues was finally sheared. The sickness of those thorns finally caught up with me, but now I am new again. My wool and my heart are clean, and I intend keeping it that way. Yeah, I know I am a sheep that will fall a lot for I am fairly clumsy, but I want to always been in reach of my Shepherd. I never want to stray from Him again.

I am One Clean and Delighted Sheep. I am in the presence of my Shepherd and Savior.