Lesson #1 from Miss Alcott

Jo March is one of the four girls who are the main characters of this story. She is a tomboy who loves to write and who cannot control her temper (sounds like someone I know...intimately...). After a big fight with her littlest sister, Amy, Jo has a good conversation with her mother. Marmee (their mother) tells Jo that she also has a terrible temper, but in her forty years, has learned how to control it. Her husband, Jo's father who is away at war, has been a constant help to her. As he is gone, Marmee does not show her sadness even though it exists. She explains it to Jo like this:

I gave my best to the country I love, and kept my tears till he was gone. Why should I complain, when we both have merely done our duty, and will surely be the happier for it in the end? If I don't seem to need help , it is because I have a better friend even than Father to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust him, the nearer you will feel to him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily, and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother. (Alcott 111-112)

This gave me pause and served as an incredible reminder.

Praise be to God! His love never changes and is all encompassing.

A Book a Week

I'm not sure that I have ever had a theme to my blog before, but I have resolved that over Christmas break, at least one blog a week will be devoted to a book. I have about 5 weeks for break, thus I will be writing on 5 books.

I started thinking about this last night, when I realized I have so many books I want to get through in 5 weeks. I need to be diligent and read quickly but thoroughly. And since I LOVE reading, it's not really a chore.

I have no plan for the books I want, though I've begun Little Women by Louisa May Alcott, so that will be the first.

I have a feeling it might turn out to be a review of sorts, but I will probably have multiple posts, all highlighting my favorite parts. I will have to post right after I read them of course, because I will not be able to contain my excitement.

While I start off on this journey, I would encourage you to read as well! Read my blog and see if your interest is piqued by any of the books I read or ask for a suggestion. I am more than willing to give recommendations!

So make some tea, sit by the fire, be warmed by the Christmas tree, and start a good book! You won't regret it. I know I never do.

Yahweh

I feel in adequate today. It's one of those days when you really feel your humanity. When you ache to be something more. To feel as though you have a purpose.

I am constantly reminded that I am only holy because my Lord is holy. He sanctified me from all sins. And though I am not worthy, He loves me. He sees past all my bumbling and my cursing and my stumbling. He sees past my offences and my blemishes and my outrageous stupidity. He loves me.

Get that: He, the Lord Almighty, the Creator of the universe (known and unknown), the One who knows every hair on my head, the One who knows when I began and when I will end, the One whose face shines with such glory that a glimpse of His back almost killed Moses, that He LOVES me. And better yet, He forgives me. He aches for me to desire to know Him. He is jealous for my attentions.

Why do I act as if anything is better? Why do I care about anyone else's opinions? Why can't I crave Him and Him alone?

That is what I want. Why can't I remember that?

"Moses said, 'Please show me your glory.' And he said, 'I will make all my goodness pass before you and will proclaim before you my name "The Lord." And I will be gracious to whom I will be gracious, and will show mercy on whom I will show mercy. But,' he said, 'you cannot see my face, for man shall not see me and live.' And the Lord said, 'Behold, there is a place by me where you shall stand on the rock, and while my glory passes by I will put you in a cleft of the rock , and I will cover you with my hand until I have passed by. Then I will take away my hand, and you shall see my back, but my face shall not be seen'" (Exodus 33:18-23).

"For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith" (Romans 3:23).

Weebly

So I stumbled upon this new website/blog maker today called Weebly. It looks interesting. I would like to play with it a bit.

Just for the record, I have no idea what I would make a website about. However, I'm sure I could think of something...

Like my love for cheese.

Or books. Books might be a better subject than cheese. Might being the key word.

So if you are interested, check back here later; I might create something amazing (or common and dull, but that's not bringing you back so...).

Wandering with Jane Eyre

I have, lately, been enamored with the concept of wandering. I think it all started with the line from the Fellowship of the Ring:

Not all those who wander are lost....

I then discovered that I love the song I Wonder as I Wander*, a very lackadaisical melody, seeming content to just wander through the notes.

Soon after, I picked up Jane Eyre. I had never read this book and was struck by the mention of wandering in the second line.

This led me to picking up the book and purchasing it. I was shocked by the quality of its words, and how riveting the plot line was. I have attempted to read other classics in the past, but this one is the best to date.

As I read it today, I stumbled along a passage that struck me. I was amazed at the truth I read in it. Truth was not what I was expecting here, but as I wandered through the pages, I discovered it:

"She has been unkind to you, no doubt; because, you see, she dislikes your cast of character, as Miss Scatcherd does mine: but how minutely you remember all she has done and said to you! What singularly deep impression her injustice seems to have made on your heart! No ill usage so brands its record on my feelings. Would you not be happier if you tried to forget her severity, together with the passionate emotions it excited? Life appears to me too short to be spent in nursing animosity, or registering wrongs. We are, and must be, one and all, burdened with faults in this world; but the time will soon come when, I trust, we shall put them off in putting off our corruptible bodies; when debasement and sin will fall from us with this cumbrous frame of flesh, and only the spark of the spirit will remain,--the impalpable principle of life and thought, pure as when it left the Creator to inspire the creature: whence it came it will return; perhaps again to be communicated to some being higher than man--perhaps to pass through gradations of glory, from the pale human soul to brighten to the seraph! Surely it will never, on the contrary, be suffered to degenerate from man to fiend? No; I cannot believe that: I hold another creed; which no one ever taught me, and which I seldom mention; but in which I delight, and to which I cling: for it extends hope to all: it makes Eternity a rest--a mighty home, not a terror and an abyss. Besides, with this creed, I can so clearly distinguish between the criminal and his crime; I can so sincerely forgive the first while I abhor the last: with this creed revenge never worries my heart, degradation never too deeply disgusts me, injustice never crushes me too low: I live in calm, looking to the end." (70-71)

Though not all of this seems relevant, I ask you to read it over. I found hope in this passage this morning. I am always on the lookout for Biblical truths in my reading of fiction, and today, Jane Eyre, through the character of Helen Burns, gave me a slice of what I long for. Her words were brought near to my heart, as I have been thinking about the glory of Heaven and how we are to make that our goal. We are aliens here, and we must, MUST, remember that, just as Helen Burns does.

So if not for wandering, I would not have found this passage. I would have passed it by. I would encourage a little wandering in life. It's good for the soul.

*The version I am referring to here is by David Nevue.

A Fabulous Friday

I had a fantastic Friday night; the best I've had in a while.

I got together with a young man. We played Lego Star Wars on the Wii for about two hours. After that we went out to Jimmy Johns and had subs. He was so polite, even going so far as to not speak with his mouth full when I asked him questions. We then went back to the Wii, proceeding to play Mario Super Sluggers for a while (the cause of my soreness today). He showed me his art, and we discussed Star Wars.

Yep, six-year-old Joey was a fabulous Friday night date. :-)

All that is Gold and All those who Wander

All that is gold does not glitter,

Not all those who wander are lost;

The old that is strong does not wither,

Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,

A light from the shadows shall spring;

Renewed shall be the blade that was broken,

The crownless again shall be king.

--The Fellowship of the Ring

Cheeese.

I know that I haven't written a profound blog in a while. I've been working with school and learning to live on my own and attempting to figure out what I want to do with my life. It's been a rough process... not really, but it's been growing. So fun, whimsical blogs have been more up my alley lately. And today, I thought of something else I would like to share.

I have a love for cheese. There are some cheeses I don't like as much, but I gotta tell ya, when I have a hankering for cheese, you better get out of my way (okay, that's a little dramatic, but you know what I mean).

So today, I was making a chicken patty and thinking about what else I could eat with it. Digging through my fridge, I thought, "I have cheese!" Granted, it was shredded cheese and wasn't conducive to eating it plain. Yet, I took it out and proceeded to eat some. Yes, plain. I put it away, made myself hot chocolate, and took it back out because I couldn't stand the idea of going a second longer without it. It's a cheese day.

So, in conclusion: I like cheese. And I think that others should like cheese as well. It is a happy food. So have some happy cheese. It will brighten your day. Trust me.

When life gets hard...

Do you ever feel like you want to run away?

Today, I do. To this place:

And yet, I know this is not how to handle my problems.

"For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:17-18).

Cheer up, Chickadee

Today it's gloomy outside. And it's a slow Thursday.

So:

Cheer up, chickadee.

For this slight momentary affliction

My mom is memorizing Scripture, and this was the passage God led her to memorize:

"So we do not lose heart. Though our outer nature is wasting away, our inner nature is being renewed day by day. For this slight momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).

What an amazing passage. For us is being prepared the weight of glory. The things of this earth are so insignificant compared to the eternal glory that we will one day experience.

And that is something I am looking forward to.

Being Transformed by the Spirit

Our goal is Christians is to glorify Christ in everything we do, serving Him as obedient sons and daughters. This is something I believe we know. But do we remember that we need to become like Him as well.

I seem to forget that.

Not only am I supposed to obey Him, but I am to strive to become more Christ-like. I think that is something we as Christians know but don't articulate.

But I think we should.

And when we are aware of this calling, and we feel as though we are failing, we need to remember that we are being transformed. It's not up to us. It is something the Holy Spirit does in us.

"And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit" (2 Corinthians 3:18).

Big Brothers and Blogging

I initially started blogging because of my brother, Caleb. He is basically amazing, and I have always wanted to be just like him.

On his blog, Thorns, he recently posted his testimony. What he has to say is amazing. It gives me great insight to how he perceived our lives as children and helps me to understand some of the things he has done.

I am so blessed to have an amazing brother. We haven't always gotten along, but now more than ever, he is my earthy hero. I know that he would probably tell me that he does not deserve that kind of honor and that he is not all that great. But Caleb, from my end of the world, there is almost no one I admire more that you.

Just so you know. I love you, big brother.

Rejoicing In The Rain

It is finally fall, and I am sincerely happy for the dip in temperature and the rain.

I don't normally read the NIV translation of the Bible, but the other day, on my iGoogle page, the Bible verse of the day was Joel 2:23. It just hit me as a really neat way of expressing this.

"Be glad, O people of Zion, rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before."

Now I might be taking it a little bit more literally than when Joel wrote it, but I really think it's about being content and rejoicing even when it rains. And since I love rain, it is an encouragement to me.

So, be glad and rejoice in the rain.

Hope and Hot Air Balloons

Today on the way home from an afternoon in Stillwater, I saw a hot air balloon descending from the sky. For some reason, this gave me great hope. I believe that I tend to think of God being above us, thus my kindled passion for things of the air such as birds, and in this case, hot air balloons. I know it seems superficial and childish in a way, but this is how I think on occassion. And today was one such occassion.

"And again Isaiah says,

'The root of Jesse will come,

even he who rises to rule the

Gentiles;

in him will the Gentiles hope.'

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope" (Romans 15:12-13).

"Joyful Noise" video

"Angels surrounding His throne and
Worthy is the Lamb who was slain
The whole earth is full of His glory
All nations bow to His name
His majesty fills the Heavens
Our hearts give thunderous praise
Declare the Lord is forever
Make a joyful noise in this place"

A New Title

Writing an autobiographical paper for a class the other day, I found myself using the word "perseverance" over and over. I wanted to make sure that I was using the word in the right context, so I whipped over to dictionary.com to make sure.

This is what I found:

per⋅se⋅ver⋅ance

  [pur-suh-veer-uhns]

–noun

1.	steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., esp. in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

2.	Theology. continuance in a state of grace to the end, leading to eternal salvation.

The definition astounded me. I was describing the life that I live, the one where I struggle through stuff to get to something better. How I changed schools mid-year only to be racked with health issues, including a kidney stone. How plenty of obstacles have been thrown in my way, and I have lived to tell the story.

How I attempt to rely on God's grace, day by day, to get me through. How I struggle to serve Him and obey Him with everything I have. How I am not very good at it, but I keep trying.

When I looked up this word, I found myself tearing up. If you know anything about me, you will know that words mean a whole lot to me. The fact that God allowed me to be impacted by this definition is evidence of His grace. And His grace will lead me to the end.

So persevere, my friend. Continue to strive after God because He gives us grace, and that grace will lead us to eternal salvation with Him.

"And from his fullness we have all received, grace upon grace" (John 1:16).

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

"For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith" (Romans 3:23-25).

I have a new title for my blog. One that is defined as glorifying to my King. I will persevere through what the world flings at me.

Perseverance. A blog about not giving up.

To choose the right side

But I wonder whether people who ask God to interfere openly and directly in our world quite realise what it will be like when He does. When that happens, it is the end of the world. When the author walks on to the stage the play is over. God is going to invade, all right: but what is the good of saying you are on His side then, when you see the whole natural universe melting away like a dream and something else--something it never entered your head to conceive--comes crashing in; something so beautiful to some of us and so terrible to others that none of us will have any choice left? For this time it will be God without disguise; something so overwhelming that it will strike either irresistible love or irresistible horror into every creature. It will be too late then to choose your side. There is no use saying you choose to lie down when it has become impossible to stand up. That will not be the time for choosing: it will be the time when we discover which side we really have chosen, whether we realised it before or not. Now, today, this moment, is our chance to choose the right side. God is holding back to give us that chance. It will not last for ever. We must take it or leave it. (Lewis. "Mere Christianity." 65-66.)

From His fullness we have grace upon grace

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world. He was in the world, and the world was made through him, yet the world did not know him. He came to his own, and this own people did not receive him. But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor the will of the flesh nor the will of man, but of God.

And the Word became flesh and dwelt among us, and we have seen his glory, glory as of the only Son from the Father, full of grace and truth....And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. No one has ever seen God; the only God, who is at the Father's side, he has made him known. (John 1:9-18)

The Fullness of God and Ephesians

So I took a running leap this morning and dove into Ephesians. It was a fantastic plunge, a reminder of the wonder of God and the beauty of His Word. It also reminded me, while rushing past in surges of cooling and satisfying water, that I am His child and all things were created for and are filled by Him.

I first came across this in Ephesians 1:

"...as a plan for the fullness of time, to unite all things in him, things in heaven and things on earth" (vs. 10).

This little snippet is a part of a passage that I will discuss at a later date, but this section stood out to me this morning. It reminded me of a passage in Colossians. This passages also outlines that all things are Christ's, made by Him and for Him.

Back to Ephesians. The first chapter in Ephesians goes on to talk more about the glory of Christ and the fact that all things are His and He fills them with all His fullness:

"And he [God] put all things under his [Christ's] feet and gave him as head over all things to the church, which is his body, the fullness of him who fills all in all" (vs. 22-23).

The main passage that stood out to me though was Ephesians 4:9-10. In my translation, it is a parenthetical statement, but I'm not sure that's what it should be. Because it was formatted in this way, and because of what Pastor Piper said last week about parentheticals, I took a little bit more time to read these verses.

"(In saying, 'He ascended,' what does it mean but that he had also descended into the lower parts of the earth? He who descended is the one who also ascended far above all the heavens, that he might fill all things.)"

Christ descended in His death to the lower parts of the earth and after His resurrection, ascended "above all the heavens". He is in all things. He fills them all with His fullness. This concept is incredible if you really think about it. Not only are all things His, but He fills all things. Fills them. Like water in a clay jar. Like an aroma in a room. Christ is the fullness that holds our world up.

I believe that this passage that is made into a parenthetical statement is much more important. I believe that it outlines the fullness of God, and for us mortal humans, gives us a picture of what the fullness of God is. From the lower parts of the earth to above the heavens, Jesus Christ is. He fills them.

So dripping wet with the water of the Word, my suggestion now is to read the whole passage from Ephesians 4. I also urge you to read all of Ephesians. Just do it! It's not a long book, and the truth that is tucked into this letter is incredible. Then you can feel refreshed by Christ's words as well.

So after you read Ephesians (or just after you read the blog), spend some time thinking about the fullness of God. Everything was made for Him and by Him and is filled with His fullness.

Bigger Inside than Outside

"It seems, then," said Tirian, smiling himself, "that the Stable seen from within and the Stable seen from without are two different places."

"Yes," said the Lord Digory. "Its inside is bigger than its outside."

"Yes," said Queen Lucy. "In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world."

--"How the Dwarfs Refused to Be Taken In," pgs. 140-141; The Last Battle; C.S. Lewis

Thank Heavens for iGoogle Weather

So today I was looking at my iGoogle page (thank heavens for iGoogle), and I decided to look at the weather.

Out of five choices, Belfast, Ireland, seemed to be the best place to be. In my opinion. Because I have one.

St. Paul, MN: 81 with a 30% chance of showers and thunderstorms.

Louisville, KY: 94, partly sunny with a 50% chance showers and thunderstorms.

Boston, MA: 90 with a 40% chance of showers and thunderstorms and gusty winds.

River Falls, WI: 83 with a 40% chance of showers and thunderstorms.

Belfast, Ireland: 64 with a 20% chance of rain.

Anybody want to go?

To be filled with all the fullness of God

To understand the most extravagant love that has ever been, we need to pray. God's love is a mystery to us. It is something we need to meditate on. We need to breath it in and out, listen to the glorious song, taste the dew, understand that we will never fully understand. Only with strength from the Holy Spirit are we able to fathom what we receive through Christ Jesus.

"For this reason I bow my knees before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth is named, that according to the riches of his glory he may grant you to be strengthened with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith--that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may have the strength to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know the love of Christ that surpasses all knowledge, that you may be filled with all the fullness of God." (Ephesians 3:14-19)

"We are the aroma of Christ...."

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things? For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ" (2 Corinthians 2:14-17).

Make War by Tedashii

One God amongst many imposters

"For although there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth--as indeed there are many 'gods' and many 'lords'--yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist" (1 Corinthians 8:5-6).

Shadowfeet by Brooke Fraser

A Command to be Holy

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ. As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct, since it is written, 'You shall be holy, for I am holy'" (1 Peter 1:13-16)

We, as followers of Jesus, need to be holy in our conduct. We are COMMANDED to be holy. It's not a choice. We must strive for the holiness that mirrors our Lord Jesus Christ. The desire to do this must be embedded in our hearts, and if the Holy Spirit is working in your soul, it is. 

Do not avoid this command. Do not keep on sinning for the sake of sinning. The satisfaction of sin is immediate, not eternal. And what are we striving for? Immediate or eternal treasures? 

"And if you call on him as Father who judges impartially according to each one's deeds, conduct yourselves with fear throughout the time of your exile, knowing that you were ransomed from the futile ways inherited from your forefathers, not with perishable things such as silver and gold, but with the precious blood of Christ, like that of a lamb without blemish or spot. He was foreknown before the foundation of the world but was made manifest in the last times for your sake, who through him are believers in God, who raised him from the dead and gave him glory, so that your faith and hope are in God. 

"Having purified your souls by your obedience to the truth for a sincere brotherly love, love one another earnestly from a pure heart, since you have been born again, not of perishable seed but of imperishable, through the living and abiding word of God; for 

'All flesh is like grass

and all its glory like the flower of

 grass.

The grass withers,

and the flower falls,

but the word of the Lord remains

forever.'

"And this word is the good news that was preached to you" (1 Peter 1:17-25)

My Mother

This is my mother: Miriam E. Drahosh.

She is a wonderful, excellent you might say, mother.

Though we don't always get along, she is one of my best friends. 

I love her with all my heart. 

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. 

Don't Waste Your Life by Lecrae

"The Son of Man Must be Lifted Up"

Now there was a man of the Pharisees named Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews. This man came to Jesus by night and said to him, "Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher come from God, for no one can do these signs that you do unless God is with him." Jesus answered him, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God." Nicodemus said to him, "How can a man be born when he is old? Can he enter a second time into his mother's womb and be born?" Jesus answered, "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God. That whish is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit. Do not marvel that I said to you, 'You must be born again.' The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear its sound, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit."

Nicodemus said to him, "How can these things be?" Jesus answered him, "Are you a teacher of Israel and yet you do not understand these things? Truly, truly, I say to you, we speak of what we know, and bear witness to what we have seen, but you do not receive our testimony. If I have told you earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you of heavenly things? No one has ascended into heaven except he who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. And as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness (Numbers 21:4-9), so must the Son of Man be lifted up, that whoever believes in him may have eternal life." (John 3:1-15)

From Mount Hor they set out by the way to the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom. And the people became impatient on the way. And the people spoke against God and against Moses, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this worthless food [manna]." Then the Lord sent fiery serpents among the people, and they bit the people, so that many people of Israel died. And the people came to Moses and said, "We have sinned, for we have spoken against the Lord and against you. Pray to the Lord, that he may take away the serpents from us." So Moses prayed for the people. And the Lord said to Moses, "Make a fiery serpent and set it on a pole, and everyone who is bitten, when he sees it, shall live." So Moses made a bronze serpent and set it on a pole. And if a serpent bit anyone, he would look at the bronze serpent and live. (Numbers 21:4-9)

http://www.desiringgod.org/ResourceLibrary/Sermons/ByDate/2009/3790/

Read it, watch it, listen to it. 

Learn that one only need to LOOK! and be saved. 

God's child

So I have been listening to Shawn McDonald a lot lately, and I hit on his blog. This picture came up, which I'm assuming is his son, Cohen. I thought it was adorable. 

The longer I looked at it, the more I enjoyed it and found myself relating to the facial expression. 

Many days I feel like a little baby, whose heart and head totally confuse her. I thought the picure was really telling of this feeling. 

This feeling has been really apparent this week. As I was reading Romans with some friends, we stopped at this passage: 

What then? Are we to sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! Do you not know that if you present yourselves to anyone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one whom you obey, either of sin, wich leads to death, or of obedience, which leads to righteousness? But thanks be to God, that you who were once slaves of sin have become obedient from the heart to the standard of teaching to which you were committed, and, having been set free from sin, have become slaves of righteousness. I am speaking in human terms, because of your natural limitations. For just as you once presented your members as slaves to impurity and to lawlessness leading to more lawlessness, so now present your members as slaves to righteousness leading to sanctification.

When you were slaves of sin, you were free in regard to righteousness. But what fruit were you getting at the time from the tings of which you are now ashamed? The end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life. For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord. (Romans 6:15-23)

So for me, this passage really emphasized that I am a slave to righteousness, and those things that confuse my heart and my head are, in some instances, sinful.

I need to focus on Jesus and nothing else. Under Him, my heart and my head will be focused on the "free gift of God" that is eternal life "in [and only in] Christ Jesus our Lord." 

My love for Him needs to be first and foremost. I must strive for Him more than anything else in this world. I need to remember that the fruits of my sin are nothing, but the fruits of righteous through my Savior are all-encompassing. 

So, though many days I feel like an infant, struggling to understand the world, I have a free gift in Jesus, who came and died for all of my sins, making me God's child. 

And now that I am God's child, He will center me on Him, and my heart and head will not confuse me. He is in control.

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:14-17)

Christ Died for Us

This past weekend being Easter, I was interested to see the pictures contained on The Big Picture website. What I saw truly broke my heart. 

The picture show many different traditions of Easter week. Most have to do with Catholic traditions of burning candles to the Virgin Mary and worshiping depictions of Jesus. 

What really disturbed me were the pictures of men whipping themselves as penance.  Or the man who was actually nailed to a cross. Why would you do such a thing? I understand that they think it is a way of paying for their sins, but wait. Aren't they celebrating the death of Jesus and with Him, their sins? Aren't they celebrating the resurrection of the living Christ? Aren't they celebrating the fact that He died for their sins so that they do not have to? 

It says explicitly that Christ died for sins in Matthew 20:27-28:

And he took a cup, and when he had given thanks he gave it to them, saying, "Drink of it, all of you, for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins."

Though I can understand that people might interpret this as just being metaphorical about the covenant, it is not. It literally means his blood being poured out for the forgiveness of our sins. In His sacrifice, His death, the new covenant is sealed. But it is literally that He will be a sacrifice for us. Literally. Like He was nailed to a tree, bloody and dripping, dying of asphyxiation, bearing the weight of the sins of the world, even the ones not committed yet. It was so terrible that God had to turn His back upon His Son. He could not look at that sin. 

Paul reiterates this in his letter to the Corinthians: 

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received: that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the Scriptures, that he was buried, that he ws raised on the third day in accordance with the Scriptures, and that he appeared to Cephas, then to the twelve.

(1 Corinthians 15:3-5)

Now we are to remember that Christ died for our sins, so we do not have to. We all deserve a gruesome death for the things we have done, the sins we have committed. And yes, sins is an over-used word, so let me rephrase. We all deserve death for the depraved, disgusting, stomach-turning, despicable, repugnant, icky, wrong things we do. We are only human, but because Christ died for our sins and has forgiven them, we are covered by His blood. And we do not have to die! Our punishment has been taken by someone else. Praise Jesus! 

What we have to do is accept His grace. It is a free gift:

But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God, who were born, not of blood nor of the will of the flesh nor the will of man, but of God....And from his fullness we have all received grace upon grace. For the law was given through Moses; grace and truth came through Jesus Christ. (John 1:12-13; 16-17)

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not the result of works, so that no one may boast. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

This is a gift of God, something He freely offers to those that believe in Him. He took the punishment for our sins, all our yuckiness. He fixed us up and is now refining us in the fire, but only if we accept His gift of grace. 

And this is why it saddens me to see people beating themselves out of penance. The sins have already been paid for. All you have to do is believe! 

If you have any questions about what I have said, drop me a message (no doubt, you are reading this on facebook.). I would love to talk to you about it all. God is good, even in hard times, and He will always love you more than you can even fathom. 

A Poem for Good Friday

"Good Friday" 

by Christina Rossetti

Am I a stone, and not a sheep,

That I can stand, O Christ, beneath Thy cross,

To number drop by drop Thy Blood's slow loss,

And yet not weep? 

Not so those women loved

Who with exceeding grief lamented Thee;

Not so fallen Peter weeping bitterly;

Not so the thief was moved;

Not so the Sun and Moon

Which hid their faces in a starless sky.

A horror of great darkness at broad noon - 

I, only I.

Yet give not o'er 

But seek Thy sheep, true Shepherd of the flock;

Greater than Moses, turn and look once more

And smite a rock. 

"Growing up in a home divided between the passions of an Italian father and the moral rigidity of an Anglo-Italian mother, Rossetti's life is marked by two conflicting themes: her unconventional passion for intellect and her search for God and His divine direction. These tensions led her to writes some of the most arresting and original religious poems of the Victorian Age.... In 1871 Christina contracted Graves' Disease, a form of hyperthyroidism, which froze her face like a mask. Though racked by pain for the next twenty years, she continued to publish works of devotional poetry and prose, including a commentary on the book of Revelation, The Face of the Deep, published two years before her death of cancer" (Shadow and Light: Literature and the Life of Faith, 2nd Edition, 437). 

"With groanings too deep for words"

Today it really hit me that I have once again let my mind stray from God. I have been focusing on things of the flesh. Well, that won't do. It says plainly in Romans 8, that those who live by the flesh, die by it: 

For if you live according to the flesh you will die... (Romans 8:13a).

But the verse also goes on: 

...but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live (Romans 8:13b).

It seems so ridiculously plain, and yet, it is so hard to live by. But those who are Christians are also drawn to that which is of the Spirit. There is a deep longing in the soul to remember that God is our Father, and He sincerely loves us. He has adopted us as sons and daughters, and in that, He has given us hope:

For all who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God. For you did not receive the spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received the Spirit of adoption as sons, by whom we cry, "Abba! Father!" The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs--heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him (Romans 8:14-17).

He loves us enough to make us heirs in His kingdom. Think about that. Heirs to the Kingdom of God. That is amazing. How can we even fathom it? 

Because He loves us this much, He gave us the Holy Spirit. And I'm so glad He did. Often enough, I desire what I want to desire, going back to the fleshly living. I pray for the things that I want, not what is most glorifying to Him. Thus: 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26). 

That is something else to think about: "groanings too deep for words." As an English major, words are very important to me. I can almost always find a word to describe something. But this--this groaning--is too deep for words. Too deep. The note in my Bible says: 

"The Holy Spirit strengthens us in our state of weakness, of which we are constantly conscious. Perplexity as to how to pray for oneself is a universal Christian experience. Our inarticulate longings to pray properly are an indication to us that indwelling Spirit is already helping us by interceding for us in our hearts, making requests that the Father will certainly answer" (The Reformation Study Bible).

It is something to think about. The Holy Spirit is there, taking our "inarticulate longings," and making them requests to the Father with "groanings too deep for words." Look at that. He takes the longings of the deepest regions of our souls and makes them known to God, especially when our flesh takes over. 

We are adopted as heirs to the Kingdom of God, blessed with the reminder that those who live of the Spirit will surely live, and the Holy Spirit, dwelling in us, takes up our deepest desires to the One who matters most. 

How great is our God? More than we can fathom, I'm sure. 

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weaknesses. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words (Romans 8:26).

A Poem for the Week

No Beauty We Could Desire

by C.S. Lewis

Yes, you are always everywhere. But I,

Hunting is such immeasurable forests,

Could never bring the noble Hart to bay.

The scent was too perplexing for my hounds;

Nowhere sometimes, then again everywhere. 

Other scents, too, seemed to them almost the same.

Therefore I turn my back on the unapproachable

Stars and horizons and all musical sounds, 

Poetry itself, and the winding stair of thought. 

Leaving the forests where you are pursued in vain

- Often a mere white gleam - I turn instead

To the appointed place where you pursue. 

Not in Nature, not even in Man, but in one

Particular Man, with a date, so tall, weighing

So much, talking Aramaic, having learned a trade;

Not in all food, not in all bread and wine

(Not, I mean, as my littleness requires)

But this wine, this bread...no beauty that we could desire. 

Isaiah 53

A Poem for a Thursday in Winter

One Winter Night in August

by X. J. Kennedy

 

One winter night in August
While the larks stand in their eggs,
A barefoot boy with shoes on
Stood kneeling on his legs

At ninety miles an hour
He slowly strolled to town
And parked atop a tower
That had just fallen down

He asked a kind old police man
Who bit small boys in half
“Officer, have you seen my pet
Invisible giraffe?”

“Why sure I haven’t seen him,"
The cop smiled with a sneer
“He was just here tomorrow,
And he rushed right back last year”

“Now boy come be arrested
For stealing frozen steam!”
And whipping out his pistol
He carved some hot ice cream

Just then a pack of dogfish
Who roam the deserts snows
Arrived by unicycle
And shook the policeman’s toes

They cried, “congratulations
Old dear, surprise surprise
You raced the worst, so you came in first
And you didn’t win any prize!”

Then turning to the boyfoot bear
They yelled, “He’s overheard
What we didn’t say to the officer
(we never said one word!)

“Too bad boy, we must turn you
Into a loathsome toad!
Now shut your ears and liten,
We’re going to explode!”

But then with an awful holler,
That didn’t make a peep
Our ancient boy, age seven
Woke up and went to sleep.

 

A Poem for the Day

"Obedience" 

by George MacDonald

I said, "Let me walk in the fields." 

He said, "No, walk in the town." 

I said, "There are no flowers there." 

He said, "No flowers, but a crown." 

I said, "But the skies are black;

There is nothing but noise and din." 

And He wept as He sent me back;

"There is more," He said; "there is sin." 

I said, "But the air is thick, 

And fogs are veiling the sun." 

He answered, "Yet souls are sick,

And souls in the dark undone." 

I said, "I shall miss the light,

And friends will miss me, they say." 

He answered, "Choose to-night

If I am to miss you, or they." 

I pleaded for time to be given. 

He said, "Is it hard to decide?

It will not seem hard in heaven

To have followed the steps of your Guide." 

I cast one look at the fields, 

Then set my face to the town; 

He said, "My child, do you yield?

Will you leave the flowers for the crown?" 

Then into His hand went mine,

And into my heart came He;

And I walk in a light divine

That path I had feared to see. 

"Amazed" by Building 429

"Who am I 
23 and it’s all a lie 
Thought I knew who I was 
I thought that You were here with me 

But this darkness is breaking 
Everything in me 
These infinite questions 
Have shattered all the peace 

But I won’t question in the dark 
What is true out in the light 
I will follow after You 
Through the sun and through the night 

Cause You’ve got me 
Right where You want me 
Yeah You’ve got me 
Right where I need to be 
And I’m standing amazed 

Where did it go 
33 and it’s gone so fast 
Thought I knew who I was 
I though that You were leading me 

But this depression is 
Crashing in on me 
And I’m not half the man 
I hoped I’d be 

But I won’t question in the dark 
What is true out in the light 
I will follow after You 
Through the storm and through the fight 

Cause You’ve got me 
Right where You want me 
Yeah You’ve got me 
Right where I need to be 
And I’m standing amazed 

But I won’t question in the dark 
What is true out in the light 
I will follow after You 
Through the storm and through the fight 

Cause You’ve got me 
Right where You want me 
Yeah You’ve got me 
Right where I need to be 
And I’m standing amazed 

You’ve got me right where I want to be 
You’ve got me right where I need to be 
And I’m standing amazed"

God is good, and He is in control. Always. He has you right where He wants you, to teach you, to heal you, to change you, to transform you. It's never easy, but He will love you always and never let you fall. 

"I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect" (Romans 12:1-2).

Faith

So as a follower of Jesus, I know that I am supposed to have faith that God knows what He is doing. Well, as a control freak, I tend to struggle in remembering this. It's a wild ride, but I tend to think that what I want and what I understand is better. 

But faith is about not knowing what is out there. Faith in God is trusting that He won't fail you even though you have no idea where He is taking you: 

"Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen" (emphasis added) (Hebrews 11:1).

Now we probably have all heard this verse at one point or another, most likely in the NIV translation. Both of these translations have something that needs to be emphasized: "the conviction of things NOT SEEN." We aren't always going to see where God is leading us, and for some of us, it's really difficult to remember that He is in control. 

But we need to remember it. It's faith. 

Abraham did it:

"By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going" (emphasis added) (Hebrews 11:8). 

Why can't we? 

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfector of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God" (Hebrews 12:1-2). 

He gave us the Holy Spirit to be with us, to teach us faith:  

"When the day of Pentecost arrived, they were all together in one place. And suddenly there came from heaven a sound like a mighty rushing wind, and it filled the entire house where they were sitting. And divided tongues as of fire appeared to them and rested on each one of them. And they were all filled with the Holy Spirit and began to speak in other tongues as the Spirit gave them utterance" (Acts 2:1-4). 

Have faith, friends! God is good. Do not be afraid to take a leap because He is holding your heart. 

Friends, Apartments, and Morphine

To be honest with you, the past few weeks have been a roller-coaster ride in my life. Let me give you a little background.

I transferred to UW River Falls this semester, and I really didn't know anyone. I was all alone in a state that felt a million miles from everything comfortable. But God reigns. He took me under His wing and brought me closer to Him. He gave me a sincere desire to love Him more than anything else. 

After a few weeks (three to be exact) of being in an unfamiliar place with only acquaintances save one (my good friend, Sam), I got sick with the flu. Lovely, right? Actually it was. The week that followed was hard, but every morning, I began to rely more and more on Christ. I went home the next weekend to be with my family over Valentine's Day and my mommy's birthday, and was able to spend time with my girls at NWC. It was simply fantastic. 

That Sunday, I received a text from my friend, Jayme. She asked me about housing for next year. Now I had been mulling over this for a while. Without any friends to live with, I was at a loss. But Jayme said that she and her friend, Bre, were looking into apartments and needed a third roommate. This was an incredibly huge blessing to me. It seemed to simply come down from heaven when I was struggling with where I was at. I told her that I would love to live with them, and that began our search for an apartment. 

On Monday we started, and by Tuesday afternoon, we signed a lease for a gorgeous apartment. Bre, Jayme, Katelyn, and I were beginning our adventure as adults. Nothing could be more exciting. Except for the fact that I had finally found friends. God had blessed me with these amazing women, not only to be my roommates, but also women who love me. 

The rest of that week was great. I was able to spend time with the girls, eating, drinking coffee, laughing, and just getting to know each other. I was excited to finally have a variety of people to be with, and the best thing about it is that they are women of God. They love Him first and foremost, and I couldn't ask for anything better. 

This weekend, we were able to hang out as well, spending much time talking late into the night. It was excellent. 

Sunday, though, came with a twist. I didn't feel real well all day, and as Jayme, Bre, Jenny, and I were heading out to church at five, I started having pretty intense pain in my kidney. Being silly me, I was trying to play it off and get over it. But I couldn't, and we ended up stopping at the ER, the only thing open on a Sunday. The girls were happy to be my rescuers, loving me all the way in the door. I was admitted and even after I told the girls they could go to church if they wanted to, they stayed. They wanted to make sure I was okay. Each girl had alerted many people to be praying for me, and those prayers are what got me where I am now. 

The doctors discovered I had a kidney stone. They gave me morphine and some other fun drugs, reminding me not to drive while on narcotics. After about four hours in the Hudson Hospital, I was discharged. Mom and Dad came and picked me up, and after a short stop at my dorm, we headed home. 

The pain was then so intense I could not hold food. I ended up in the ER in Mercy Hospital, the same hospital in which I was born. I was admitted and kept overnight. The pain was incredible, and without the morphine and tordal, I don't think I would have survived. The nurses and doctors that helped me were amazing, helping me get through all the crap that was being thrown at me. Basically, it was a big adventure with a lot of wonderful people around me. 

Over the past two days, God has shown me that He will never leave me. He gave me wonderful friends, who I consider the heroes of my night, amazing medical help, and fantastic parents, as well as all the people who were on the outskirts of the night, praying for my recovery. I passed the stone on my own and did not have to have surgery. After Sunday night, I did not have any pain. I was able to sleep a lot, catching up on the sleep I had not been getting in the past month. All of these things were a testament to God's faithfulness in answering prayer. People in downtown Minneapolis, people at NWC, people at Concordia, people at River Falls, people in Boston, people in Pine City, people in Fargo, all were praying, and I thank you all. God has placed you all in my life for a special reason, and I couldn't be more thankful. 

Now, I am home, reflecting on the past few days. What a ride. I'm reminded of many things this weekend; the most important being the glory and provision of my God. 

"Cast your burden on the Lord, 

and he will sustain you; 

he will never permit 

the righteous to be moved." 

Psalm 55:22

"But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong." 

2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Birds in the Morning

As I sit here every morning, I am taken by the birds that gather at the feeder outside my window. Often there are more than five of them, all puffed up and frantically pecking at the seeds. They attach themselves to whatever part of the feeder they can. The base holds two, and the wire framing at least three. Chickadees and finches and nuthatches, all fluffy and beautiful, fly quickly in and out of the feeder, gathering for their morning gossip over a seedlike scone. I wonder if they have coffee with it as well. 

The smaller feeder held a woodpecker yesterday. It was a pillated one, with its laddered back. It made a great deal of noise as it forcefully pecked at the feed inside. He is a loner, scaring all other birds away as he eats his breakfast. He is like the scruffy farmer who is gruff about all he does, hushing the gossiping ladies in the café as he enters. 

The feeder attached to the tree, just west of the fence, feeds more squirrels than it does birds. They hang upside down, right-side up, and sideways to get as much out as they can. I can just imagine their chirping and annoyance at the time it takes them to get it out. The outcasts of the society, they don’t come into join the gossip, mostly because the sheriff (dear old Maddie) will skin them alive if they do. They have right to fear her. She is a fierce sheriff, not afraid to bear her teeth and run them out of town. 

My favorite to watch, though, are the cardinals. They are the birds of a different color (excuse my pun). When they enter the town, especially Mr. Cardinal, all the other birds seem to scatter. It is very unlikely to see the cardinals at the feeder with other birds. And if there are other birds there, they flit in and out, somewhat timidly. 

Though I love the red of Mr. Cardinal, the other day, Mrs. Cardinal really caught my eye. She is not too proud to share the feeder with other birds, and though her husband is intimidating, she is no cause for alarm. Her muted red and brown make her beautiful as she perches tall and eats her seeds. Coming into the café a little later in the morning, she is the woman that all the ladies gossip about over their coffee and scones. Mrs. Cardinal, though, is not shaken by this behavior and patiently sits and eats her fill. 

A sighting of all this is a morning routine, and I can say that my words barely do it justice. It is an exhilarating thing to behold. The flutter of wings, the frantic pecking, the puffing appearance against the cold all attribute to the beauty of it. 

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.”  Matthew 6:25-34